Where can we go, when we can’t go back ‘home?’
Today I did something I probably shouldn’t have done, but my mind wouldn’t let go and I did it anyway.
I woke up with that feeling that has become all too familiar to me. It’s a feeling that I’m on some sort of moving platform with no way of sensing the direction or my precise location. My head was swimming in an ocean of thoughts- a product of the intense dreaming I had been experiencing for what seemed like hours. That’s when I did the thing I shouldn’t have. That’s when I allowed myself to reach deep within and feel that sense of safety, security, warmth and ‘home’- a place I haven’t been to in a decade.
I picked up my phone, and I went to the Google Maps app. I was nervous because it had been such a long time since I had seen the place my soul felt most at home. I was worried it would be gone.
After typing in the address, I took a breath and waited for the images to load. My heart sank. The cottage was still there, but one of the most beloved parts of the property had been removed. The new owners had cut down all of the trees, but one. All the wild plants that grew all around the cottage were torn out, without a trace. I started to cry.
I miss these trees.
Why does this matter? Those trees were more than just trees. They were witnesses to the most joyful times in my life. They were friends that allowed us to hang hammocks from them, and to run around them without a care in the world. They provided so much shade to the cottage, we didn’t need air conditioning. Every morning my first breath was their aroma. The feeling of their dried needles under my bare feet, my first tactile memory.
Someone looked at this beautiful piece of land, and didn’t see what I see. It was most likely written off as a landscaping expense, replaced with an unnaturally green, thick lawn that undoubtedly requires chemicals to maintain. The precious pines were removed as a trade-off for a more attractive rental property and lower landscaping fees.
In this moment, I really felt how different I am from most people in the way that I think of, and experience the world around me. To me, that land, that cottage, was a place to be cared for, as in being a caretaker of the entirety of it- not something to modify without any thought as to the healing vibration of the plants and trees, in favor of a way to turn a profit with minimal upkeep. I’ve always seen through the eyes of a child with a heart of gold and a deep compassion for all living things.
It also occurs to me, that contemporary viewpoints in terms of sizing up the value of something is not only applicable to property. It extends to the way we think about people. How useful is someone in your life, and if they are not actively fulfilling a vital need, how quick are we to discard them? When someone in our live goes through a tragedy or setback, how much does it feel like having to exert extra effort to lend a hand or support? So many speak of ‘gratitude,’ but how much of that is lip service, in an attempt to appear trendy and fit in with the crowd?
Life’s conveniences have overshadowed the value of all the incredible, foundational elements that brought us to this modern world. I’ve seen so many wonderful things, people and even history, destroyed. It is destruction in the name of creation. There is no need to tear down everything that came before. We are missing the point, that we are standing on the shoulders of all those who came before us, and we are holding up a world that will be left for those who come after us. The greed, selfishness and disregard for humanity shows up in many ways. It’s an underlying attitude that permeates the decisions on a larger scale than we realize. We chase after things that cannot be sustained for the excitement, without regard for the consequences we leave behind.
Yes, this appears to be about a longing for a small cottage, that brought me peace and joy for most of my life, especially childhood, but it is, indeed, a much more expanded conversation about the ‘whys’ that lie beneath the shifting culture and its effects on the heart and soul.
Confessions of a Spirit Messenger 