The Hidden Gifts of Hurricane Ian

•October 8, 2022 • Leave a Comment

My friends- especially my fellow Floridian friends- we have been through something that I can only describe using one word- horrific. As the 100mph winds gusted, whistled, and warped the frames, blowing in the heavy panels of the sliding doors on my lanai, I knew one emotion- fear.

In the wake of this ordeal, many have their own stories to tell about what they went through, how they handled situations they never thought they would have to, and what it feels like on the other side. Please listen to all of them. All are valid, and all have something to teach us.

My ‘gift’ of sensitivity, intuition, or whatever label you prefer, has been with me always. I’ve never known a time when I was truly alone, though my human need for connection made me believe I was. I’m not ashamed of my experiences here in this life, as I know from a much higher place, many were chosen by my soul, for a purpose I will only know when it is over. The struggle is having the ‘knowing’ but not all of it. No one does. However, the pieces of the puzzle have a way of coming together if you are doing the work. I was not given a vision of this hurricane. I had no idea it was coming, but I was being given pieces of information that I was told I needed to share.

In the months leading up to this hurricane, the messages Spirit urged me to share were posted on my FB Page, Confessions of a Spirit Messenger. At this point, if you have been paying attention, you now know why they were there. Most recently, I did an entire video in a private group urging people to be aware of the answers to their prayers when they arrive. I was even given the image of a man struggling in a body of water, surrounded by pieces of wreckage, who was being offered a raft by a small boat passing by. The message was- you’ve prayed for help, please take the help.’ In addition to this very clear message, the card-pulls that are posted have been addressing topics such as removing the masks we use to be who others think we should be, and sowing the seeds for what you truly want. In one post I spoke to the need for balance, and another was about clarity. And now here we stand, in the wake and destruction of Hurricane Ian. Many of us, myself included, have had destruction to things like property, businesses, and sadly experienced the loss of their homes.

So with all that it has taken from us, what is the Gift of Hurricane Ian and what does it have to do with all of the messages that lead up to this storm?

This is a screen shot I captured during the hurricane, while I still had the ability to receive cell data.

Many of have you been praying for help, for months and maybe years. Take a moment to think about your passing thoughts during the day, for example, because those are not just thoughts, they are communication that is being broadcasted – AND received. Maybe you were dissatisfied with your work. Perhaps you had been feeling increasingly isolated or lonely and without a tribe. Indeed, many of us have been struggling with interpersonal relationships of all kinds for quite some time. In all its manner of destruction, Hurricane Ian is offering us a chance at creation.

Are you going to rebuild the life you had? You know, the one where you complained daily about the same issues, people, lack of opportunity, etc? Or will you take this chance to build the life you actually deserve for yourself? Will you go back to wearing all of your lovely masks, trying to fit in where you clearly do not belong? Had you been thinking of changing location, career, partner, direction in your life? This is the hidden gift of Hurricane Ian. It may take a moment for you to process this, and I am certainly not minimizing the enormous loss this has cause many of us, myself included.

But you’ve been praying for change. For things to be better. To feel more purpose in your life. To be loved for who you truly are. For a new life.

We cannot control the way our solutions come to us, and they surely do not feel like victories in the moment, but make no mistake, the wheel is still turning and it’s up to you how you move through and past this event. Just like the Tower card in the major arcana of the Tarot, in order for progress to be made, and for something better to emerge, we must first tear down the old.

Have you been saying you’ve wanted to move on but did not or could not because of the things already in place that you were not willing to let go of? Well, for many of us, those things may be gone, so holding on is no longer an option. So where do we go from here?

This is where you get to take a moment and take inventory of where you were, and where you want to be. To create the life you wished for, and can love living. Take a look around. Do you see now that all that you had around you to hold you up was a struggle because it was never really what you actually wanted? I’ve given readings for people who spoke with such passion and urgency about how much they disliked their lives, and wanted better, but at every single opportunity that came along to move in a different direction, chose to stay exactly where they were. They are entitled to their decisions, as are we all, but when you ask for help, and help arrives, it is only on us if we do not accept it.

Hurricane Ian is showing us where we were not in alignment, and struggling to keep those oars in the water even though we no longer wanted to move in the direction we were headed. Anything that is out of alignment will not be able to stand forever. We all tire of the fight, and eventually, it collapses. Spiritually speaking, this is your answered prayer, painful and destructive as it may seem. Take this and do something with it. Rebuild, redirect, readjust your sails.. but please, do something. Everyone’s ‘something’ will look different. It may be simply beginning to say ‘no’ to the situations and people who have drained you and left you wanting. It may be finally having the space and time to go to school for something you are passionate about. After all, you have to rebuild, so isn’t it worth it to choose a starting point that’s in alignment with your soul? It may be walking away from what you thought was a friendship, because in a crisis situation, you’ve seen someone’s true colors. If you were dreaming of packing up and running away to a faraway place, your gift may be the lifting of the burden that was stopping you. However big or small, you are being given the gift of a reset button.

If you have been affected by Hurricane Ian and are actively in the throws of this struggle, this message is not for you. I urge you to get all the care, support and community you can right now, so you can get to a place where this message makes some sense to you at a future time.

For those who hear it right now, and need further guidance, please reach out and book a session. It’s time for you to move in the direction of your dreams. This is your Calling.


Everyday Signs- the Language of Spirit

•March 17, 2023 • Leave a Comment

Hello, my readers! Today, I’m bringing you my teaching on signs from Spirit, and why you may not be recognizing them.

This is something that is quite often asked by those who come seeking guidance, as they become frustrated with trying to understand their own gifts. If you come to this work as a skeptic, then I welcome you. Frankly, skeptics are the ones who usually receive the most profound, undeniable signs. As my blog’s tagline suggests, “Walking in the Light of Spirit with one foot in each world,” I have fully embraced that there is an incredible, unseen world all around us. I have never tried to seek it out. It has always been something I’ve been aware of, however, I am honest that I didn’t always understand it. No matter where your starting point is, I hope this blog will help you find your way, or at least help you see how another person took a next step.

Spirit is Patient

When it comes to communication with the unseen world of Spirit, this is one of the hallmarks. You may discount something a dozen times, but if it is true communication, and on some level you have asked for it, Spirit will not give up until you have recognized it. In the early days of my learning to actually understand this new language, Spirit showed me things in threes. Over time, my healthy skeptical mind began to see the pattern and trust that I was not imagining it. I’ve been actively doing this work for over 20 years now, and even still, I may need something twice, just to verify, and Spirit is never upset or angry with me for not getting it right the first time. If you, like me, had impatient, disgruntled teachers as a child, who made you feel like you weren’t worth the time or effort, this is something of a healing of that trauma. Learning the language of signs from Spirit is gentle, and there’s never a time when Spirit will just give up on you.

Spirit Knows Your Secret Heart

We all have our own private thoughts and feelings that we do not share with the world. The thing is, in our physical world we primarliy rely on words for communication, along with body language, to relay information. Part of the unseen world is our energy field, and it contains ALL of the information, without needing words. For example, if you’ve always been fascinated by willow trees, but kept it to yourself and never spoke a word of it, you might think that unless you spoke it out loud, another couldn’t’ know it. It would require your permission, in a way. Your sign may come in a way that seems like a coincidence to you because you hold that belief that information is only available when you share it with someone. Let’s say you are thinking about taking classes so you can start a new business or just add to your skillset, but you are unsure about this decision. You then drive up to the first night of classes, and after sitting down, you notice a willow tree just outside the window where you chose to sit. Spirit does not require words to communicate to you because it sees all of you, especially the parts of your heart that are most precious to you. That is why the meaning comes through so clear when these signs appear.

Everything that is Alive Communicates

The spark of life that animates all creation means that we come from and are connected to the Source of all things- Spirit. Each of us is capable of this communication, because of that connection. You may think of someone and that person sends you a text or calls you, and think that’s just a coincidence. Perhaps it’s because we are so indoctrinated into this physical existence that we focus only on our five senses and rely on them only. This is where a daily practice is mandatory if you’re serious about really developing your other senses. Practice makes perfect. The only way to recognize signs consistently enough to develop your vocabulary with Spirit is to work with it consciously. As a tool to help you with your focus, I always suggest journaling. To some it’s a time-consuming task, and they don’t see the value in it, but the truth is, this is the only way you will prove to yourself that what you are experiencing is real. If you are the type that is not open to sharing experiences, then your only way to see the patterns over time is to keep a log of them that only you see. It does take time, but time is required in learning any new language. You wouldn’t expect to learn Italian overnight, would you? You’d need to see visual cues, repetition, and become comfortable with the translation. This language will be your personal language with Spirit, and only you can develop it. Referring back to my last point- if willow trees are sacred to you, but to me they are just like any other tree, they will not speak the same meaning to me when they suddenly appear. To you, there is a meaning. Keep track of when signs like this with personal meaning come to you, and over time, you will look back over your writing and notice they appear at a very specific moment.

Thoughts are not invisible to Spirit

Thoughts are only heard when we speak them aloud in the physical, or translate them into action. In Spirit, they are heard clearly and plainly. As you journal (or draw), notice if there is a specific thought you’re having just before the sign appears. For example, if you sometimes speak to your loved ones who have passed on, and there is a sign that appears, know that you are receiving a response in a way that helps you understand that person is present and has heard you. For many people, this type of sign comes in the form of a bird- perhaps a Cardinal- and it is one way you may receive confirmation that you are being heard, and maybe being helped by that person. Thoughts are very important that way, as they are broadcast in your energy field and require no words for those of us who speak energy, and especially for Spirit.

I hope this helps you on your personal journey to developing your intuitive, spiritual and other gifts. There is so much more than what our naked eye sees, but in order to discover all the wonder and possibilities, we must put in the focus. The rewards are priceless.

So you came here to experience Earth? Are you ‘On-Task?’

•March 13, 2023 • Leave a Comment

One of the many reasons we came here to Earth is for our Souls to have experiences we cannot have any other way. As a Soul, we think, ‘Yes, this is where it’s at! Set me up and let’s launch this adventure!’ If you’re reading this, you’re actively on your Earthly mission. My question is this- how many times have you sat in the dark with yourself praying that you will be finished with your lessons and tests here, and hoping you are doing what you think you came here to do?

Oh, and did you realize that when you were ‘dropped off,’ you specifically chose others in Spirit to keep watch over you and help you with your lessons?

It’s not an uncommon thing for those of us who are spiritually aware or in touch with the higher self aspect, to have visitors drop in from other realms. Sometimes they are loved ones who come to show us they are okay and have made their transition. Other times they may be higher beings who are assigned to us as helpers, and will show up to assist with healing on many levels. Then there are The Guides, and they are many. In fact, you have an invisible team that you would find quite remarkable if you realized how dedicated they are to assisting you on your journey.

I recently met someone who mentioned an experience that I found quite interesting. He said his visitors appeared to be to be somewhat unhappy with him.* Following that, I had a conversation with a longtime friend who shared an experience that seemed to answer why they may have seemed unhappy. That’s what lead to this blog post.

Note: When similar things come up in close succession, we call that synchronicity, and you should definitely pay attention to these instances because they are genuine communication from Spirit.

The Guides are never sinister, however, if they appear with a sense of urgency, or intensity it is because THEY are on their task- which is to keep YOU on-task. Before you came, you asked for them to come tap you on the shoulder when you are getting off-course from the plan you created for this incarnation. A Guide’s presence at just the right moment can be like feeling lost at a really strange cocktail party, and suddenly looking over to see a friend who is giving you the nod. Suddenly you are able to excuse yourself, get a little pep talk or pat on the back and get your head back in the game.

So many of us, myself included, fear we will not complete the assignments we gave ourselves when we came here. If you’re there, know that help is available to you, however, a huge part of the exercise here is free will/choice. You knew when you came here you could choose to go ‘off-task,’ midstream, and/or included a bunch of side-quests. When you are in Spirit, you don’t worry about ‘incomplete assignments,’ for a few reasons. First, you are fully aware that you are an eternal being, and there is no end-game, there is only more growth and expansion. Second, your sense of perfection is much different than what we think of here in human form. For example here, you experience hierarchy and order, which creates the idea that perfection has a specific set of rules to follow. In Spirit, all is in unity, so our consciousness doesn’t feel the need to course-correct or control an outcome. Neither decision is correct or incorrect. They are what I call ‘choice points,’ and will simply alter your ongoing path.

Having said that, if you decide in your Earthly wisdom, that living your purpose isn’t all that special, you have the choice to ignore it. If you want to shut out your inner voice and treat it as imagination, you may. However, if you are reading this, I’m assuming your purpose is paramount and what you decided before you got psychic amnesia is worth pursuing and completing, so this next part is for you. Just as firefighters are at the ready, 100% of the time, so are your Guides. The essential part of this comparison is this- just as firefighters wait for ‘the call,’ so do your Guides. They are not allowed to interfere with your design. They must be invited to participate. They are your dedicated team and will come when called upon. Although they will not complete the task for you, they will help you by showing you signs, perhaps something to help you remember why you chose the tasks to begin with, why your purpose was important to you to accomplish, or help you see the effect your work will have on others.

It sounds simple, but as humans we think we are supposed to bear the heavy load and do it all ourselves. So, do yourself a favor, and allow yourself to entertain the idea that you’re not cheating by asking for help. After all, you made the choice to make the help available in the first place- so take it!

*Force is not a hallmark of Divine Design, so if anything appears to you that feels harmful, or menacing, please call on Source or for Divine assistance. Spirit is persistent, but not threatening *

The Magic in the Stillness

•June 28, 2022 • Leave a Comment

When was a little girl, my most favorite place to be was in our screen house in the backyard during a rainstorm. When it was sunny, I’d be out on our enclosed front porch, which was mostly used for storage, including my mother’s ‘Hope Chest,’ from days gone by. By the time college came, my sanctuary was the library. I even got a job working in the microfilm and microfiche room, so I could spend more time in the dimly lit, muted environment that was filled with an air of order.

As I look back on my life, I realize that the most productive times in my life were those times when I was able to spend in a peaceful environment. Adult life has a way of robbing us of this kind of stillness. Our responsibilities become a lot of fast-paced activities, and when there is time to rest, we feel guilty for not using the time to do something else on the checklist.

It’s time to make room for the sacred, the stillness, and the deep soul-need for peace. It’s the only way to ‘right’ the ship, as they say. We can chase after all sorts of very impressive-sounding solutions and systems of thinking to try to make sense out of why we aren’t feeling that sense of centeredness, but the truth of it is, we will never find it until we allow ourselves time and space for stillness.

You are responsible for making this happen. It’s your life. If you are letting other people or circumstances dictate your choices… if you are creating a list of priorities that does not include your own mental and emotional health… if you are willing to trade an ounce of comfort in your own life so another can enjoy comfort in theirs… this blog is speaking to you. Know that the state you are in is not just a result of your choices, but the place from which you make them. While it is considered loving to give up something for another- such as a mother who sacrifices her own peace to offer more of her energy to her children- there is always an opposing, contrasting energy to every decision.

Nothing is all good or all bad. All of life is both.

There is a deep seed of truth in the Universe that permeates everything, and that truth is that all of us will experience ups and downs, sometimes simultaneously. Life is about balance. If too many decisions favor one side, there will be a strong reaction from the other side of the scale. The key is to be aware that this is a law of the universe that will not be ignored. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

As humans we have many things in our lives to prioritize, in order to complete the things we wish to accomplish here. Today, ask yourself if you are being balanced in how you go about weighing the importance of those priorities. While time is a factor that can help us manage the order of things that we need to accomplish, do not forget that it is you who is ultimately the master of your domain, and you who have the power to reorder, reorganize and recreate at any time. Life is more than a series of making and cleaning messes. It’s about recalibrating and readjusting to maintain balance in all aspects of our lives. This is possible, I promise. You will still get where you are going, but you don’t have to do so in a state of exhaustion and disarray. You have the power.

Find the moment when you can feel that stillness, and that peace will return to you, long enough for you to adjust your sails and see clearly again. If there is no such moment- create one. The magic is in the stillness.

The Living Well Soul Circle is Open

•March 18, 2022 • Leave a Comment

Last year around the end of May, I had an experience that sent me on a journey for better health and well-being. It started with a frightening doctor’s appointment. I had recently been able to obtain an affordable plan for health insurance after a few years of going without, so it was my task to find a primary physician. Needless to say, I chose poorly, and I left the appointment in tears, fearing that I was set on a course that would leave me in the hands of the ‘medical’ profession, who had little empathy for the patient, but a lot of interest in keeping me as a ‘customer.’ I knew I had to do something to help myself, or I would become another statistic. I did the only thing that has ever provided me with strength and answers- I prayed.

I remembered a book that I was guided to read about 2 years prior to this incident. It was interesting and made sense, however, I had no real sense of urgency around the information I was reading. If you’re interested, comment below and I will tell you which book I’m referring to. The fact of the matter is, when Spirit gives a piece of information to us, it is often something that will be useful in the future and not necessarily in the given moment. Suddenly, it became very relevant, and I went back to my bookshelf so I could investigate.

Around the same time, I was reunited with a friend whom I had lost touch with who turned out to be an answer to my prayer. He lives on the west coast and I’m in Florida, but at the time we first met we were both in the Boston area. Long story short, he had emailed me out of the blue a couple of months prior, and I had neglected to write back- but I thought I did. When we reconnected, I learned that he had become a Brand Ambassador for none other than Young Living, asking if I had heard of it. He had no idea that I had become a lover of these oils back when I was doing massage therapy and energy work, but had lost touch with the person who introduced me to them and didn’t know how to order them without her. Back then, she had small gatherings at her home to introduce us to the oils and products. Now the magic of the internet made everything I remembered and loved, just a click away! My mind was blown by the serendipity of the meeting and everything that came about as a result of it. I immediately signed up, and began to restock my most treasured oil companions!

Many of my favorite oil blends were still around, which I was very excited about. They were like, old, familiar friends, who shared very special times with me. It had been more than 10 years since I had used Transformation to support my transition from married to single and White Angelica was my primary support oil for spiritual support and connection. I began incorporating these and more into my spiritual practices, and once again, I found myself achieving new heights.

In addition to cleaning up my diet, which was and continues to be very hard work, I began cleaning up my life- starting with any household products that contained synthetic fragrances and other harmful substances. My lungs and sinuses were very grateful right out of the gate. I had often had sneezing fits when I used ‘normal’ household items like hand soap or dish detergent. I began to slowly replace household cleaning products, hand soaps, oral care, bath products, and laundry care with Young Living products. With each month, the ‘ditch & switch’ brought more signs of relief from my whole being. I was no longer bogged down with the toxic load that came from the traditional products that I was in contact with regularly. Between my clean diet, and reducing the burden of so many toxins on my body, I was feeling better than ever.

As my body felt better, my mind surely did follow! I had more clarity, better sleep, and my skin was soft again. It’s an amazing thing to witness your body’s resiliency. If we simply give it the care and attention it deserves, we thrive.

About a month ago, I started a group on Facebook called “The Living Well Soul Circle.” I put a lot of thought into the title, as I wanted it to embody several things- Living Well, which is what I intend to do, and to help others do the same. The Soul Circle part acknowledges the part of all of us that is Source energy and everlasting, seeking others to form that sacred community of like-minded individuals to journey along with as fellow human beings. I’ve been privileged to connect with others who are seeking to enhance their overall well-being, sharing our success stories, and exchanging ideas. I’ve also been able to utilize my spiritual gifts through group meditations that have been very successful in assisting with the goals, self-care and loving support of my fellow Soul Circle tribe.

A single incident that left me feeling hopeless and alone has lead me down a path to a new connection, a higher frequency, and a new sense of purpose that I desperately needed in my life. I invite you to check out my group on Facebook, and if you feel so inspired, join us on one of our live, channeled group meditations. The combined energy of those who show up and do the work is a benefit to all of us, and adding the incredible oils to this endeavor has transformed the experience to being the perfect combination of mind, body and soul. When you are ready, please take that small, first step, knowing that you have arrived at this moment precisely at the right time.

When it’s not enough…

•September 28, 2021 • Leave a Comment

I want to talk to those of you today who clicked on this link specifically because of the title. I know you need to hear this. I know you’ve had days when you have run out of hope. I know you feel alienated and misunderstood. I know because I’ve been there too, and I want you to know that there are still good people in the world. Please stay with me and read on.

I’ve been blessed by being surrounded by many interesting and unique people throughout my life. I’ve enjoyed learning their back-stories, and finding out the steps that lead them to where they found themselves. I’ve held space for people who needed someone to listen without judgement, and allowed them to express emotions without censorship. I’ve seen walls come down that some didn’t even know were there. I’ve seen tears turn into smiles. I’ve felt the years of stored emotion pour out and furrowed brows become smooth again. Witnessing these things was incredible. This is the greatest part of being an Intuitive person.

As I grew in my personal development, uncovering my intuitive and mediumship gifts, I found a wonderful teacher who told me something that I’ll never forget. She told me I was ‘very good at putting yourself aside in your work,’ and ‘one of the rare people who does this from the right place.’ This piece of information became very important in my self-discovery. Another important encounter came from a shop owner in Salem, MA. I had my aura photographed and interpreted, which was supposed to be just for fun, but the shop owner looked surprised at how it turned out. She said, “it’s very rare to see an aura like this. Typically I only see this with animals and small children.” This became another clue about who I am. I began to understand my blending of qualities and the way I saw the world had purpose and meaning, but yet something seemed to be missing.

~To be accepted is to feel loved, and to be loved the way we need to be loved is a rare thing~

If you already know Teal Swan’s work- great! If not, look her up because what I’m about to speak of is something she teaches beautifully. Teal Swan says that to love someone is to take them as part of yourself, which makes perfect sense in my world. If you see us all as tiny sparks of light from the same Source Light, then you already understand. We are all part of each other already. Looking at it through this lense, I came to the realization that I loved many, many people, and yet, somehow I still felt alone. It took time, but I started to see the significance of those two important encounters and what I was told by my teachers. I take others as part of myself without question, because that is who I am. The problem is that wasn’t being offered in return. I was out of balance, and I had to start taking better care of having my needs met. If I cared about you, and you cared only about you.. who is left to care for me?

Being different is not easy. Living and making choices from a different foundation requires true strength and bravery. Every human, in some way, wants to belong, whether it’s to a family, a profession, religious organization, or even a clique. We were made to form connections. When things aren’t working, we wrestle to ‘make things right,’ or to ‘fix ourselves’ so things will work. But we are not machines with tiny metal components that can just be removed or replaced. We are complex. We hide things from our own selves. We lie to ourselves. When we take this approach, we cannot be authentic with others, and our decisions come from a completely different place. We forget who we are.

It’s Time to Flip the Script

Those of you who have worked very hard to know yourself, trust yourself, and live in alignment understand how hard that can be in a world full of people who do not understand your choices. I’m here to tell you that even if you feel that no one understands you, you must press on. There will be a period of losing people, and it will hurt your feelings. It’s okay to be hurt by this, and you need to know that you did nothing wrong. You need to know that just because you don’t fit into the definitions and molds that others have for you, you are lovable and worthy of love just as you are. We are many, and we are now in a time when we can finally ‘see’ one another. Your Tribe is out there! Though we may be separated by distance, technology has given us a way to connect. The important thing now, is not to hide yourself or shy away from showing your light. Others out there need to see it, and you need to see theirs. Stay vigilant. We always find the thing we were looking for just when we were about to give up.

Confirmation is King!

•July 12, 2021 • Leave a Comment

Hey Spirit Bunnies! I’m sharing something today about a personal experience that I hope will help you on your journey with developing and trusting your abilities. I was questioning a current situation.

My thoughts, like yours, have an electrical charge that go out to the universal grid that connects all of us as well as those in Spirit and Source. “Will this always be like this? Should I just cash in my chips and accept that it’s just the way it is?’ The answer came clairaudiently- ‘No.’ I asked ‘how in the world could it be possible for any of this to change?’ And there it was, ‘because something will happen that will make it impossible not to.’ Well, okay! But guess what? I woke up and I felt like I wanted to know for sure that I heard it right- which happens even to the most seasoned people.

I pulled a card, and laughed at myself, because I should know better by now but there it was. I’m posting the meaning verbatim from the guide book, because the message is unmistakable. Happy journeys and know even when you are sure you’ve fallen off the grid, your problems are not invisible, and your prayers are heard! If you think you got it wrong- Spirit will not give up on getting you the confirmation you need to move forward in confidence.

From the Earth Warriors Oracle by Alana Fairchild, Blue Angel Publishing

For the Love of Sadie, Part 1

•June 29, 2021 • Leave a Comment

When we lose a beloved animal companion, the grief can be unimaginable. To those who don’t understand, no amount of explanation can suffice, but for those of us who understand the depth and purity of a connection to an animal companion, none is needed. This is my story of a connection that cannot be broken, no matter time, space, or dimension.

In 2012, I met Bob. He lived on Cape Cod, and that was a 90 minute ride from where I lived, so I was sure it would be nothing more than banter and flirting online that wouldn’t go anywhere. I was surprised when things started to go in the direction of an actual relationship. The first time I went to his house, I met Sadie. He had just adopted her only 4 months prior. She was about 3 or 4 years old, which was an estimation by the rescue where she was surrendered by her ‘family’ who cited the reason as being something along the lines of not getting along with their chihuahua. Shortly after Bob adopted her, Sadie was attacked by a neighborhood dog while out for her walk, which left her with a huge scar from the other dog’s bite.

Sadie was a white pit mix, with one brindle ear and one that had black spots. One of her eyes was encircled with a pretty black marking that looked almost like eyeliner and eyeshadow. She had the prettiest white eyelashes and that fabulous pittie smile. She was quiet, and very interested in me when I walked through the door for the first time. At first, I walked past her and ignored her, as I’ve come to understand that this was the best way to introduce yourself to a dog. She moved her ears back and patiently wagged her tail, waiting for a sign that it was okay for her to greet me. I spoke to her gently, and let her sniffer go to work! I’m not even sure if I pet her that night. I wanted her to be comfortable with me, and I made it a point to watch her reactions to things like Bob running around the kitchen making dinner, her response to commands and her overall temperament. I could tell she was a gentle, loving soul.

One weekend, I decided to drive down early. Bob was working so I stopped by to get his key and drove to the house. When I arrived, I let Sadie out of her crate, and for the first time, I was alone with her. I didn’t know how she would react to me, but she seemed happy to see me. I put her leash on and walked her, then brought her back inside and allowed her to do her thing. I popped on the couch and searched Netflix for something interesting. Suddenly Sadie came over to the couch, pacing a bit, wagging her tail and making whining sounds. I started to talk to her, asking her what she wanted, and the most amazing thing happened- she began to respond back with her sounds. I knew she was actually trying to talk to me, so I started to make my voice higher pitched to see if she would match it with her sounds, and she did. Then she started licking my hand, and shoving her head underneath it to let me know she wanted me to pet her. From that moment on, Sadie and I were lovingly connected beyond words, quite literally. This was only the beginning.


•April 20, 2021 • Leave a Comment

Every once in a while I write about something very personal, as I think it’s important to understand that living an intuitive life doesn’t mean you have all the answers. You still have to go through the experiences- good and bad- which is the whole reason you incarnate in human form.

Today I’m swimming in a sea of realization that many of the people who I thought were my friends are not. Some were nice to me to size me up, just in case I was some sort of professional or social threat. Some needed something that I was good at without having to pay for it on their own, such as massage, connecting to a loved one in spirit, or listening without judgement. When it became clear that I wasn’t being valued as a person, but a resource, it definitely affected me.

Giving is a source of joy for me, and in all of my past relationships and work environments, I’ve been called upon when someone needs help. It came so naturally to me, it crossed my mind that it was being seen as currency by many of these people. I was told that because I tend to be a giver, I must have low self esteem, but those same people will also call me selfish if I do something they don’t get a benefit from as a result. That’s some judgemental transactional BS right there. I cannot change my nature, and I will not weigh my giving, as if it is some sort of currency in a transaction. I’ve given to people who had nothing to give back in return without a second thought. The only condition my giving has ever had is the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” or if you prefer, “Love thy neighbor as thy self.” When I see someone who is genuinely in need and struggling, I think to myself how easily that person could be me. The constant bombardment of opinions and judgements wore me down over time to where I stopped explaining myself.

The last couple of years have brought so much struggle, especially with Covid-19 and the restrictions that it mandated along with the politics that I’ve made it a point not to discuss for obvious reasons. Being backed in a corner will cause the same reaction in nearly all living things. We revert to survival, and it’s every man for himself. I watched supposedly loving people turn into hateful, selfish creatures. Those around me who would be constantly promoting love and light suddenly began to post horrific things on social media. Many I have had to unfollow or unfriend, and though they may not realize it, the way they acted out was not only seen but felt, and I will never see them the same way again. It reminded me that I need to be mindful of something said by a character on Game of Thrones:

I feel I was brought up with good values, and a great moral compass, but after all that I’ve seen and experienced I have really had to hold back and deny myself the one thing that I know I was born to do. As a result, I spend most of my time alone, and the rest in a state of emotional self-defense. I’m hyper-aware that there is a motive for every action, and up until recently I had mistakenly taken for granted that most people are not like me in that they have a hidden agenda. Sometimes I wonder if I’m at a disadvantage for not thinking the way everyone else seems to be, but then I remember I chose not to play the game because I do not want to contribute to that body of energy.

If you are reading this, then something in your energy field must resonate with it. You may be triggered by this, and that’s okay too. Remember this, everything is about you and your experiences. You may, at times, be able to be neutral and observe, but other times you will be in the thick of it without any ability to see what’s really happening from a higher perspective. I’m not immune to it either, believe me. Perhaps you will read this as a kindred spirit on a similar journey and feel less alone. Perhaps you will become angered and judgmental of my experience. In either case, I wish you a good journey, and my only hope is for you to connect to another human on this planet who is struggling just as you are. I hope you will see yourself in my struggle, knowing that what I’m dealing with could easily befall you too, and not judge me too harshly.

The Lesson really IS in Letting Go

•March 8, 2021 • Leave a Comment

Hey guys! So I promised more content, and as I’ve always promised- this is going to be an honest, full disclosure post. This blog has always been about speaking from my own viewpoint as a spirit medium, and the reason I started it was to show a side that you don’t get on the big talk or tv shows. What’s it like to live your every day life with ‘gifts?’ Well, this is my bread and butter so I hope you’re hungry!

For the last couple of years, I’ve been working as a full time musician. If anyone told me even 5 years ago that’s what I’d be doing I would have laughed in their face! Here’s the truth, though- I’ve made a commitment to following Spirit’s guidance, and that means no plan, no map and only TRUST. Is it easy? Yes and no. Here’s the skinny on how this happened.

When I moved to Florida I began searching for my people. That lead to the Center for Spiritual Living, where I very honestly was just looking for a community that was at least somewhat open-minded about spirituality. One day as I was attending ‘Sunday Celebration,’ which was my only source of social interaction at the time, I heard something. My energy field was super open, and that means that I am accessible to my Guides, or as I usually refer to them- my People. “You should get up there and sing,” they said, “this is going to lead somewhere.” Now, I have sung here and there in front of people at family gatherings but nothing performance-wise since high school, but after all this time having ignored similar messages from my People, only to find that I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was, I decided to start listening. I simply said, “okay.” I didn’t dare bother coming up with all the doubts and roadblocks that I typically envision when I am evaluating the pros and cons of a decision I’m about to make. I just did it. I listened. I went up to the head minister, and she advised me to see the music director, and then, I was up on stage singing in front of about 300 people….weekly. Holy Hell, what was I doing?

Here’s the full disclosure- I have never, ever, EVER been drawn to performing in front of a crowd of any kind, in my whole life. I am not a person who is comfortable being the center of attention. In fact, I’ve made a career of NOT doing that. Most of my professional years were spent assisting high-level executives behind the scenes and then sending them off into the spotlight. I loved it, actually, because I was the hub for everything but didn’t have the pressure of having to make any kind of public appearance. I’d do all the research, prep, and materials, then send it off for someone else to be in the spotlight. I was the superstar behind the curtain- the real Wizard! But life, and Spirit, have a way of bringing you to the place you are meant to be.

Each time I performed, I was approached by people who wanted to hire me for more singing work. One gig lead to another, and before I knew it, I was working full time as a singer. The steps that got me there were all the same- trusting the guidance. I made no plan, whatsoever, to do this. I simply followed the guidance. Even with all of the events happening, there were nights when I would lay in bed, awake at all hours, convinced that people were just being ‘polite’ or ‘nice’ and all of the compliments weren’t real. The ultimate disclosure is this- even as I heard the words of my Guides and all the reassurance of my loved ones in Spirit, I did not think I was good enough. I wouldn’t even watch videos of my performances or listen to recordings because I was convinced I just wasn’t very good. That’s when I discovered a real Truth-

All people must come to things on their own terms. No amount of praise, reason, convincing or otherwise will bring them to it.

Growing up, the nuns would tell us that it was sinful and vain to think we were special in any way. Truth be told, this wasn’t an issue. I’ve always carried a feeling that there was nothing special about me at all. Even so, I would always be asked by the nuns to sing at church. One nun, in particular, spoke very plainly to me one day when I said that I didn’t want to sing at mass that day. “God gave you a gift, and if you don’t share that gift, you are being selfish!” So, of course, I sang! I spent most of my young life not knowing if my fears were real, or if I was being silly and couldn’t see past the nose on my face. I didn’t know if I had self-esteem issues or if it was just my lack of being pretentious. I trusted the authority figures to direct me to the correct choices, because I felt they must know better. At the end of the day, every human being let me down, or fell short in some way. I finally came to really understand that the only thing in my life that never let me down was Spirit. And so we come one of the lessons in this experience: Doubt does not disappear when you have spiritual gifts, because Doubt is human, and we do not cease being human even if we are gifted.

We all have gifts, and we all have fears and doubts. Both can be present simultaneously. Gifted people do not escape being human. I don’t know if my thinking that I’m not good enough is a virtue (as the nuns would teach we are all unworthy) or a disease that I needed to remedy. Once again, this blog is not to judge, but to observe and open up the conversation. Your decisions are always yours to make, but maybe by sharing my journey, you will find there are more options available to you than you thought. It took years for me to listen and trust, and look where that has lead me! Once I let go, life just flowed.

A caterpillar doesn’t fight being in its cocoon, or doubt that it will become a butterfly. It simply trusts and surrenders to the process.

Where Are We?

•November 21, 2020 • Leave a Comment

It’s been a long time, but I’m still here! I just have been very quietly working on myself. I’m in a new place in my life, and have recently begun to get back into my spiritual work.

One morning, about a year ago, I woke up with a melody in my head, and a feeling that I had to write it down. I did. I didn’t tell anyone about it. I just used a keyboard/piano app to take down the notes. I haven’t read line music since I was 18 year old, so the best I could do was the letters. Within a couple of weeks a musician friend of mine asked me I had ever written a song. He wanted to help me put the music together, so I sat with it and came up with some lyrics. What spilled forth was surprising, even to me. I have actually made some progress on it, but it’s not something I’m willing to post just yet.

At this time, I feel a new energy awakening, and although I don’t know what it’s going to mean or lead me to, I’m 100% willing to follow my Spirit. If writing is to be a part of that- and I think it is- then stay ‘tuned.’

The Price of Authenticity

•September 19, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Authenticity is a huge theme in my life, as I believe it is for many of you who follow my writing.  I’d like to share a bit of my own journey with you as a way of connecting to those of you who I don’t know personally.

If you haven’t yet seen the movie, “I Feel Pretty,” go watch it.  It’s the perfect expression of how we hold ourselves back.  We go through life like Mockingbirds, singing the songs we hear back to those who enjoy the sound of their own song.  We strive to be ‘good enough’ to run with the people we see as ideal, when, in fact, they are anything but-  because they are part of the same energy.

As a child, I remember being confused a lot.  I have always had a sense for what is going on beneath the surface with others.  I’d try my hardest to quiet that inner knowing and go with what my 5 senses told me was real.  Every time I believed something based on that logic, I’d find myself regretting it.  I couldn’t explain what I knew, and that made it more confusing.  I once remember telling a family member that I “used to be big (as in an adult)” and remember being told that I was wrong about that. This made me doubt myself.

I remember another instance when I was in 5th grade, and the teacher had left the room.  I was fooling around, like all the other kids, and when the teacher came back in she glared at me and I felt an inch tall.  She later told my parents that she came back to the classroom to an ‘ungodly’ laugh.  It was mine.  Another instance that planted a seed of doubt, and this time, silence.

Sometimes when I ask Spirit for help with a situation, I am shown these memories in my mind’s eye.  Spirit communicates using images that we understand, even if it feels like a memory, which surfaces out of nowhere.  Like most people, I wanted to do something constructive with it and I tried that first.  It soon became clear that there was no task to be completed.  Instead, I was to see where I had learned to be inauthentic.

These instances instilled in me a fear and a secret hurt that it was wrong for me to be who I am.  In the first instance, I learned that my truth wouldn’t be believed, and it made me feel insignificant.  In the second, my joy that was expressed in the form of laughter was not only unwelcome, but somehow offensive and ugly.

I learned to hide myself, and that I didn’t belong.  There are more instances, including the one where I excitedly told my class about the time my grandmother came to see me after she died.  Each one brought about more feelings of being unacceptable and was followed by more isolation.  My parents worried about me as a child because I had a tendency to want to spend time with adults rather than play with the kids my own age.  I still have that tendency to this day, and I think it’s because I have always been fascinated with older peoples’ stories- you know, the things that make them who they are. Kids didn’t talk like that.

As a result of this kind of conditioning, over time, I’ve found that I prefer being alone much of the time, and also to be very selective with who I let into my life.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

These feelings of rejection, judgement, shame and being cast aside, no matter how much you try to push these down, demand to be seen.  It is only when you sit with them, and talk with them, that you understand who you are and how you came to be.  From there, you have choices you didn’t have before, because you become aware.

If you know me at all, you know I do not like games, and I don’t play them.  I won’t.  I make decisions on the company I keep based on a few very important criteria.  First, I trust my gut and my inner knowing.  I’ve learned the hard way that it is my only truth.  Second, I look into a person’s energy for authenticity.  There are other factors, as well.

I share this with you to let you know that being more aware, psychic, spiritual, etc, does not make your path any easier.  I also share because I know how lonely it is to be authentic in a world that does not always appreciate that quality.  It keeps us from being who we are, and knowing who we are.  It also keeps us from really admitting what we want, love and need in this world.  We’re so busy working hard to get the house and the car that we don’t realize these things don’t matter to us. Sometimes losing these things is a huge blessing.  When you are without, is when you truly know what matters.

Embrace yourself today.  And if no one else tells you- you matter.

Today’s card, from the Sacred Rebels Oracle by Alana Fairchild.

Heart on a sleeve

•September 14, 2018 • Leave a Comment

Authenticity is something I prize.  It’s not always easy, and many times we build up our armor out of fear that in protecting ourselves we are doing ourselves a disservice.  I’m not saying we should all sky-dive without a parachute, but there should be a healthy sense of allowing  when it comes to our energy.  Why do we make people fight so hard to see who we are?  We do we make it difficult for people to share their affection with us?

There is a sense of what we deserve that plays heavily into this, but you know what? We are the only ones that assign that judgement.  Attribute it to whatever you wish- Eve eating from the tree of knowledge, if you like.  But the sun doesn’t judge itself as too hot, too bright, or harmful.  It simply is the sun.  Most living creatures are authentic in this way.  Why aren’t we that way?  Why do we judge our feelings as appropriate or inappropriate?  Why do we think we belong in one place and not another?  I’m not an expert, but I sincerely doubt there is a hippopotamus sitting around feeling bad that it’s not as pretty as a giraffe, or bird ashamed to sing its own song.

We do these things to ourselves, and then we don’t know how to be who we are anymore.  It’s not a question of hiding, over time, it becomes a question of not even knowing who we are in the first place.

It takes a lot of courage to face ourselves and accept who we are, if we’re even brave enough to look beneath the surface.  If we become more child-like in our approach, and suspend our judgement in order to explore and observe, we can see more clearly.  Are you brave enough to look? If you are, it will change your experience of the world.


The Secret Struggle

•September 10, 2018 • Leave a Comment

We are all fighting a secret battle that no one can see.  I’m no exception to this.  Each of us, at some point, becomes so good at hiding our struggle, that it appears that no one notices.  And then, you stumble across that one person, who without effort, creates a tiny crack in our fortress, and things come pouring out.

Then what?

We immediately panic.  We pull back.  We hide.  We try to quietly let the crack heal in the private hell we create for ourselves that no one is supposed to see or know exists.

The world tells us that any sign of weakness makes us vulnerable to attack.  I’m not sure which is worse- the fact that we see our authentic selves as weak or that we have to walk around feeling like we are prey.

So here’s what I really want to say, and this was just laying out some groundwork for where this is coming from.

All living things, if they are healthy, instinctively crave love, safety and comfort.  Somehow, we’ve created a world where these needs are looked at as weaknesses, and that is devastating. To deny this is to create a world that thrives on fear and addiction. If we can’t get love, we try to fulfill that need other ways- sex with strangers, drugs, alcohol, over-spending, extreme sports, etc.  Love makes us feel connected and alive, and if we do not have that, we will do anything to find a way to feel those things, even if it’s only temporary and detrimental in the long run.  They always fall short.

The devastating part is that we are all in need of the same thing, and all afraid to admit it- and for some of us, it was a spiritual teaching that brought us to this place.  That’s right, my friends, you thought you were doing yourself a favor by not needing anyone and being ‘strong’ on your own, but all you achieved was isolation, and denial of what truly makes you thrive as a human being.  Looking at it from that viewpoint, the thing you thought made you powerful actually made you quite weak, and easier prey for those who enjoy destroying someone’s spirit.

You thought that by keeping yourself in control of your emotions, you were being strong. Instead, it created a dissociative state that you are now very comfortable with, hence having the thing you truly want and need- love, safety and comfort- become a threat.

Can you see where I’m going with this?

We’ve been conditioned that our ego is evil. I don’t understand that. Ego is your identity in this life, in other words, your gender/ancestry/name, anything that is associated with your physical form. It is not the enemy.  It’s simply your current incarnation.  This physical form will have needs that need to be tended to.  Ego gives us an individual personality and identity, so that Spirit, which is our true identity, can experience itself in its many forms.  Ego IS the purpose of being human.  It’s the experience we came here for.  So why are we trashing it?  Why are we telling ourselves that it’s something that needs to be shed and transcended?

Ego is the incarnation, but it is not disconnected from Spirit.  Spirit also has needs, and they are linked. Spirit craves oneness, connection, and harmony.  These pair perfectly with the needs of the ego, they are not in opposition. Living from this space creates a different experience of the world.

The person who hides their emotions, authenticity and need for love is living in a state of imprisonment.  This WILL lead to the cycle of addiction and abuse. This will yield a fear of intimacy and closeness to other human beings.  It will trick you into thinking you are weak for any need you have and that will make you feel unworthy of those needs.

Hear me.  I know it’s hard to think that anyone would even want to be a part of your struggle, and your lips are sealed when someone asks you about how you’re doing. But living this way is creating a private Hell for each of us.  Jesus said to love one another as we love ourselves.  If this is the way we love ourselves, how can we ever expect to love and be loved as we truly need to be loved?  It’s impossible.

Being authentic means washing away the things we are taught as right and wrong, and reconnecting to the inner-knowing of what those really are.  Destroying other human beings in a quest to best everyone has become the only way to be seen as ‘successful.’  Inside, you know this is wrong, but you are taught that it is weak to be kind, loving and nurturing.

Fuck all that.  I need to be loved, nurtured and to feel like I’m of value.  I’m done pretending I’m ‘fine.’  I’m not fine, and neither are many of you reading this.  I don’t need a professional to counsel me, I need friends who care.  I don’t need a happy pill, I need a sense of belonging.  I don’t need to make more money, I need to feel valued.  We are part of nature, and nature is perfect.  It’s the the creation of these rules that have corrupted us, and it’s time we all admit that we’ve created a false world that will never allow us to thrive as we were made to.

Take All of Me

•July 23, 2018 • 1 Comment

There has been a big movement in the self-help industry over the last 15 -20 years or so that pushes the principles of ‘new thought,’ which is exactly why most would look at this image and think it’s all about seeing yourself in a positive light.  I have personally ventured down the Science of Mind road, and I can tell you that although on the surface it appears to be empowering, it’s actually not.  It sets people up for failure.  In one breath you are told the universe is infinite, and in the next, they want you to subscribe to ONE law- the law of attraction.  In a universe of limitless possibilities, why are they teaching that there is only one answer?

Problems are seen as opportunities to some and traumatic to others.  Some will smile through pain, others will let it swallow them.  Why must there be only one right way to be?  What I see more than anything is a need for a better personal philosophy, rather than a single answer.  Life is complex, and as humans we like our labels so we can feel like we are in control as we navigate through the seemingly good and seemingly bad, but it’s really all a matter of perspective, right?  Sure, but most people are picking a side.  Most people are this OR that, and judge one thing as valuable, while the other is to be discarded.

Nothing is without purpose.  One emotion is not good or bad, or better than the other.  A lower vibration is not less valuable than a higher one. If it was not needed, it would not exist.

If we ever expect to be happy, we have to stop dividing everything and begin integrating instead.  Once you divide something into two groups, you’ve missed the mark.  We truly are in an infinite universe, from one source of energy that connects all living things.  Oneness means everything, not just the things you choose as ‘good.’

Lion eats a lamb.  Good for the lion.  Bad for the lamb.  We can only see things from our own limited perspective.

Acceptance, Empathy and Communion are the keys to happiness.  These may be considered ‘weak’ traits to some people.  Why?  Because (at least here in America), we’ve built a society that thrives on competition, and that drives us to division- be it among cultures, social status, etc.   We are lead to believe that this is beneficial to all of us, but the truth is, it’s not.  It keeps us in a state of struggle, because there’s always something, or someone better, and we continue to feed the fear that we are not good enough.

Look at the image again.  Do you see weakness in the kitten or do you see something precious, that needs to be protected?  Do you see strength in the tiger, or do you see something to be feared?  It’s important to think about the messages we are receiving every single day from media, and even from well-meaning individuals who are trying to help us become self-actualized.  If you dig deep enough, you will find there is always an agenda beneath the message, and it almost always benefits someone other than you.

You may be kind and tender but also fierce in your loving.  You can be protective and forceful, but also considerate in your endeavors.  There is no need to pick a side. Everything we feel and everything we are  has a purpose.  When you feel your eyes filling with tears, cry.  When you feel your soul needing a breath, pray.  When you are filled with passion, let yourself feel.  The worst thing we can do is convince ourselves to kill or destroy a part of ourselves. A house divided cannot stand.   your shadow and allow it to become an integrated part of you.  This is the way to healing and happiness.

Yes You Can

•February 6, 2018 • Leave a Comment

So you want to be a spiritual person, but you feel like you’re just missing something, or can’t quite get it right.  Your mind wanders when you meditate, and no matter how hard you try to bless everyone you meet, you still want to strangle your co-worker who consistently shoots down all of your ideas in front of the boss.

Who’s grading you?

For each of us on our spiritual journey, we first begin our exploration by looking at what’s out there- in other words, ‘which box do I fit in?’  Is it spiritual to disagree with people who seem to be so sure of their beliefs?  Should I keep quiet and politely listen when others direct me on my own path, without solicitation?

**NOTE- before I go any further. There are a number of good people out there who truly care for other people and are doing the best they have with what they were given, both monetarily and from their hearts- Spiritual Teachers included.  This blog does not apply to those people.


So many people in the ‘new age community’ talk about being in the light, and the threefold rule, etc., but in my experience this tends to be a sign of spiritual immaturity, rather than the message that I assume is intended which is- “I’m more evolved than you.”  I’ve found myself wandering in and out of many groups that appeared to be offering me solutions to my existential struggle, or to remedy the dilemma of figuring out my purpose.  In nearly all of them, I found the same thing at the center- a self-serving guru whose only joy in life is being ‘above’ other people.

Be very careful who you open up to in a spiritual setting.  People tend to approach someone for a reading, for example, when they are at a vulnerable point in their lives, or having an emotional struggle.  This is not the time to evaluate a spiritual advisor.  This is no time for someone to make you feel small, nor is it the time for someone to tell you that you are at fault for your terrible circumstances.  Be open when you are happy and free, make the connection then with someone you feel is a kindred spirit.  Then, when you are in trouble, you have someone to call!

For a time, I became a student of Religious Science, as this was something I found interesting and wanted to better understand.  I spent many hours at Sunday Service, and even took the Foundations class that is the beginning step to becoming a practitioner.  There was a lot of ‘God is Good,’ and fluffy pink lights around every person (metaphorically speaking).  It was common to hear someone begin to speak of a problem or issue, only to have their conversation partner interrupt with ‘No! You just tell yourself it’s all working out for the highest good!”  That kind of advice is little help or comfort to someone who is in distress, and processing very valid emotions.  I watched as a very dear friend with severe medical issues, and was desperately trying to stay positive about her plight after suffering through years of treatments, doctors, surgeries, etc., was facing the ‘accusation’ that she had something wrong in her thinking that caused all of this and it was something that needed to be fixed before she would get well.  Is that what passes for compassion?  Oh, but they just want to help!  Yeah, that’s not helping.  Invalidating her suffering- which was and is real- is not loving.  No principle in the world is worth making someone feel that they are at fault when they are already knocked down a black hole.

Darkness is not the opposition of Light.  It is its compliment.  It is part of the whole.  How can you exist as a whole, when you deem half of yourself to be incorrect?

Let me say this clearly:

You, your emotions, your path, your life… is not a mistake.  God/Divinity/Spirit did not need your help to create Universe and does not need your consultation on what you deem to be incorrect.

Can you be spiritual but not fit into any of the current belief systems?

Yes You Can.

Regardless of the many classes, meet ups, groups, etc., I’ve been a part of, I belong to all of them and none of them.  I do not identify with any one classification I’ve encountered.  The only word that comes close to what I am, is Witch, and to many, Witch is a dangerous word.

If you are struggling to find your path, and you’ve found me, know that it is not an accident. There are others like me, but we are hard to find, and tend to find you when you need us.  Drop me a line, or visit me at the Curious Cauldron.  I’m here to serve.

For you GoT fans- Valar Dohaeris

What is Divine Timing?

•August 20, 2017 • Leave a Comment

It began with a familiar smell. It took me a few seconds to place it, but my mind searched quickly through my memories and I found it. The memory replayed of a place and time in my life, over 20 years ago. I found myself walking through that memory, and instead of just seeing it as I saw it at the time it was occurring, I saw it from the perspective of present day, with Spirit present. You might envision this to be a bit like present day Scrooge, going back in time with the ghost of Christmas past. In truth, Spirit walks beside us, illuminating the way, so it’s not all that far-fetched of a concept, is it?

The smell was from a particular college dorm room, and a time in my life when I was even more impatient than I am now. At every age I can remember, I’ve felt like a caged tiger, never quite able to move past a certain radius and constantly feeling that anxious feeling of wanting to be free.

It was a specific moment in time, when an impulse lead to a decision, and that decision caused me to take one course over the infinite others, as all decisions do. With Spirit by my side, I watched my memory play out, and I realized that the mistake I made wasn’t in exercising my free will, but that my mind, with its limited experience and the anxiety of feeling pent up is what drove me to make decisions then. Spirit whispered, ‘Do you see that if you were patient, and waited for the divine timing, you could have avoided this?’

Spirit’s message was like turning on a light in a dark room.

“Your nature is such that you are compelled to act, but do you see that if you wait for the signs from your Higher Self to show you the way and THEN act, things would be different?”

In that moment, the reality of Diving Timing became crystal clear.

The very quiet voice that speaks to us, which feels like it’s coming from behind at times rather than inside, isn’t meant to undermine our ability or free wil to make our own decisions. It allows us to include the part of us with greater perspective that is in tune with the Divine to guide us in making more comprehensive choices.

In a world that is most interested in power and the construct of a hierarchy, there is no room for true inner development, spiritual connection and non-judgemental reflection. Some of us are fortunate enough to find that place of inner knowing, and NOT have it stamped out by the doubt of others, or being shamed for having a different experience of the world. Others keep quiet until someone who has found that place walks in and there is immediate connection and openness that allows the quiet to become a safe conversation. If you have found me, know that it is not an accident, but an opportunity. Know, also, that it is always well within your right to choose to pass this opportunity by, and move to something else. There are no wrong roads to take, only different paths.

Wherever you are on your path, I welcome the chance to share even a small part of it with you. There’s nothing that brings me more peace, than seeing the recognition in someone’s face when they realize they are connected to everyone and everything, and can perceive life from a higher perspective, I am seeing what I hold most dear- Truth.  I can be reached at if you’d like to schedule time with me.

As always- I wish you well on your journey

Battle of the Selves: Ego vs Soul- Mind vs Body

•July 13, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Just because we are aware of, and can identify different aspects of ourselves does not mean they are separate pieces that live a life of their own.  Everything is connected, and we can see differences in our aspects but that doesn’t make them different ‘selves,’ exactly.

For example, take a large quartz crystal and hold it in your hand.  You may notice different inclusions.  Just because one of them may be a black spec, doesn’t mean that the entire crystal is a dark spec!  It’s a part of it, and it isn’t separate! On the same token, a drop of ocean water, is NOT the entire ocean.

The mind isn’t separate from the body, but the body isn’t the mind and the mind isn’t the body.  It’s like saying Montana is the United States and vice versa.  The important thing is the expansion of our awareness to all of the aspects of ourselves without DIVIDING OURSELVES.

Emotions aren’t separate, inconvenient parts of ourselves.  They affect the Mind and the Body because they are part of them both.  Ego self is the human identity.  So my Ego is Nicole, but my entire Being is not just this one aspect.  Nor is my Soul separate from my body.  It animates my body and my body is a manifestation of the energy that is my Soul.

When we have a broken heart, it affects us physically, emotionally, mentally, and on a soul level.  No trauma or joy affects only one part of ourselves.  This is why it’s paramount to pay attention to each part of ourselves and look for the communication that goes largely unnoticed regarding the state of our entire Being.  Physical pain is never just about an isolated mechanical issue with the body any more than a tragic loss is only about our emotions.

When your body speaks, listen, and find the connections to the other aspects of yourself.  When your mind speaks, listen, and do the same.  Emotions are the bridge, so they are most important of all communication that you can receive from your Self.  Spirit is also a part of each of these aspects, and can never really be separated.

In all things, there is an opposing view, but never is there a division other than your own perception.  For example, I am as grateful to have no one I’m obligated to at the moment as I am lonely to have no one that I’m obligated to at the moment.  It’s all about how you look at things.  All of it affects all of me, and as a human I have the privilege to see and be aware of the different aspects of myself.  But never am I alone, separated, or divided within myself.  I am always whole, and no matter how long it takes, I will eventually see all of the pieces and then, like all Souls, I will return Home.

The Hidden Path

•June 29, 2017 • 1 Comment

It’s a funny thing when someone finds out I have ‘gifts.’ There are a lot of assumptions made about me, such as, I must ‘know’ things about them, or I’m somehow working with an unfair advantage in life. Once again, returning to my roots with this blog- it’s all about the ‘confession,’ right? So here it is.

We’re all born with natural strengths and weaknesses. I can’t explain why I am able to intuit things better than someone else is able to excel at playing basketball. When you have something that you naturally do well, it’s because you are meant to use it to your advantage. It wouldn’t serve anyone for an incredible athlete to spend his or her days as a tax attorney, would it? So why would it be any different with this ability? I have always been able to sense the unseen, and for a long time I denied it and forced myself to do things that made me miserable. Who did that serve? Was it better for me to sit at a desk, and collect a check rather than use my gift? The reasons why are always the same for all of us. We do it because we don’t want to be seen as ‘strange’ or because our families have certain expectations, or because we are scared that we can’t make our dreams our day job.

From the Gaia Oracle deck by Toni Carmine Salerno

At some point I had to come to the realization that my not using my gifts was the equivalent of a violin-player who represses their creativity in favor of being an accountant. It’s time that we, as a society, started to put some value on things that we currently don’t seem to give a flying shit about. The guitarist on the street corner who is really incredible at his craft is seen as less valuable to society than a medical doctor, for example. We’ve seen this sort of thing over and over in cheesy movies about the end of the world and who to send to the ‘new’ planet to start a fresh, new civilization. It’s time to stop letting others assign you a value, and to, instead, shine, sparkle and explode like the amazing talent you are.

Having said that, there are major challenges in living a life that is intertwined with the Divine. Your entire scope of reality is through a filter most people can’t fathom. There are struggles such as ‘how do I charge to heal someone when this is a gift? I mean, Jesus didn’t charge, did he?’ You may also notice the number of people in the ‘spiritual’ arts that are overweight, have health issues, or are always financially strapped. Truly spiritual people have a hard time living in this reality, which is why these issues are common with us. The inner knowing is so much more real than the physical world. The tendency is to split. We say, ‘this is my ego/physical world and over here is my spiritual/diving purpose world.’ In a reality where the truth is that we really are all connected and so is everything that is around us, this is just fucking absurd. Our capacity for understanding the truth is not great as humans, and it creates a need to compartmentalize things- both for our own management of the outer world and for the comfort of those around us who will not understand otherwise.

Hear me on this one- Your body isn’t your enemy or your vehicle.
Your Soul is bigger than your body.

Spiritual wisdom without the practical application of it is literally useless. We fight our intuition with our logic, for example, because we believe it to be more real, or perhaps dare I say, ‘smarter.’ Your decisions are yours to make, either way, but I’m here to break the bubble of those of you who think it’s all about one or the other. Being human is a divine experience because everything that is alive originates with the Source of everything and IS Divine. You may assign a value to a blade of grass versus a human being, but neither is greater or less than the other, because both are Spirit made Matter. Reason through it as you like, but the core of it is unchanging. Life is all about perspective, and if you need to check with someone else to prove you are right about something, you’re using your only your head. The deeper wisdom that never leaves you is always there, waiting to be accessed, because it’s always connected. The best advice you can ever get is to use all of what you have to move toward what you desire to become. If ‘God’ doesn’t make mistakes, then nothing you do is essentially wrong, unless you judge it as such. There is no outside force called the Devil. Energy has the ability to become anything. Some of it becomes what we call ‘evil,’ but at the core, it’s still energy. It’s still Source.
Matter isn’t separate from Spirit. Spirit isn’t separate from Matter. Embrace both, and you will know an entirely new life. If the Universe sought to give you the gift of song, then sing, and as you do, know that energy is dancing through you as your song, and you are releasing your energy back to the Universe to become something else. If you are gifted in Science, then create, and know that as you are creating, the energy that you put into your research is being released back to the Universe and has the potential to become the foundation for another’s creation. Everything becomes something else, because everything is energy, and energy does not die.

This is the Hiddent Path. Walk in the LIght of Spirit with One Foot in each World.


My Philosophy for 2017

•February 8, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Nearly all of the posts here are straight from Spirit, direct experiences I’ve had with Spirit or stories that I share because they inspire others. Today’s post comes from the VERY human part of me, that- just like you- trying to figure out my life, day by day, while listening to Spirit’s voice in the midst of the chaos around me. It is also meant to inspire others, but from a more grounded, earthly perspective, so please take it from where it’s coming from. The purpose of this blog has always been to share what it’s like to live from an intuitive viewpoint.  This is another installment in that spirit.

It’s 2017, and I’m nearing the 42 year mark of my life. In that time, I’ve been taught many things that haven’t been true, and definitely have not served me. I’ve learned that my soul has the heart of a child, and that is something that can invite in hurt because it seeks to help, shelter and comfort the hearts of others. I’ve learned that this is my makeup at the molecular level and it cannot be changed. My will has tried to steer it in many other directions, and each time, the compass still points to my true North, my true calling, my true soul’s purpose. If we are all here for a reason, then this is mine.

I’ve learned that hiding and being meek begets nothing useful. In spite of what some of you in my day to day life may think, I keep a lot to myself. I’m not perfect, and I make mistakes, but there’s a difference between calling someone out because they are being dishonest versus making someone feel bad because you don’t like their choices. This is the beginning of what I call the ‘no bullshit,’ phase of my life. Much like Judge Judy, I have a sixth sense for false statements, and I’m done accepting bullshit. If it smells like bullshit, and looks like bullshit.. it’s probably bullshit, right? I call it like I see it, and that means I may be seen as this awfully dirty-sounding word people use- ‘confrontational.’ Am I confrontational? Hell yes, I am! If something is wrong, I deal with it. I am NOT, however, antagonistic. Let’s not confuse the two. I like to solve problems, not cause them. I adore clarity, and knowing where I stand. In return, you will absolutely know where you stand.

I continue to honor and listen to the voice of my soul. At times it’s been my only friend. It’s never abandoned me, and when the world around me is swirling like a blender, I trust it. It’s never lead me astray.

So many of us have lived our lives for others. We behave how others think we should because it makes THEM feel more comfortable. This is true for most people who are sensitive, and/or empaths. It’s our nature to want to make others happy, and we truly don’t see our own needs going by the wayside. Our focus is on service to others, and this is something that many people don’t understand. They think there is an ulterior motive or agenda of some kind. While I cannot speak for all people, I think I can speak for the empaths out there who have been seen as much less than they are because of the lack of authenticity in ‘other’ people. When you hurt, we hurt. That’s what being an empath is all about. Being selfish, or creating stories just to get what we want, is appalling to us. It’s not in our makeup to do such things. Unfortunately, others do this, and it makes it very hard to be seen as real and authentic in our absolute need to care for others. I’m sorry for this, but it’s not going to change who I am, and I will continue to be the force I was created to be in this world, and I will continue to serve others. Others matter, and I know I matter too, which is why I also keep a modest set of boundaries to protect my very soft heart.

So, to sum up my philosophy:

– When I see bullshit, I call bullshit
– I care deeply for others and will continue to do so- but not at my own peril
– When I feel in my Spirit that it’s time to leave a place, I leave
– If I’m drawn to someone, I go with that, no matter what the cultural standard or social structure. Spirit cares not for such petty things when it comes to getting you a message.
– I will continue to give love, without expecting it to be returned in the way and from the ones I give it to, but knowing that in the end, it serves me to be able to do so because it fulfills my purpose.

Thanks for reading, and I hope I’ve inspired you to let your light shine! Do not let the lack of light shining from others cause you to dim yours! Shine even brighter and show them it’s not so scary.


We are here to love and support one another

Creation from Pain: Being Wholly Human

•January 10, 2017 • Leave a Comment

A lot of people see absolutely no reason for pain.  It hurts, and it’s uncomfortable.  What could be positive about that?  Seeing a loved one pass on, the ending of a marriage, or the loss of a friendship all conjure feelings on the ‘negative’ spectrum of emotion, and it would seem some of us carry those feelings with us throughout our lives. No one likes to feel shitty!  I get that!  But there’s more….

Nothing is created without something first being destroyed, and we are creators. 

Think of the pain of birthing a child into the world, or the way a seed must crack and be utterly destroyed for a plant to sprout from it.  In our pain lies hidden treasure if we allow ourselves to move through it.  

-From the Gaia Oracle Deck

Think of a song that touches your soul.  9 times out of 10, it’s a song that pulls on the strings of sadness rather than joy.  Why?  Why is it that pain seems to stay with us and happiness feels fleeting?  It’s not hard, actually.

We allow ourselves to feel happiness, and let it flow through us, but feelings like grief, loss, and pain stay with us because we refuse to give them the freedom to flow.  

There is freedom in tears.  There is so much relief when you give into pain and experience it as a sensation and not as something you are in complete resistance to.  All of our feelings are beautiful and human.  They are not rewards or punishments.  They are natural and they all must be allowed to flow in order for us to be wholly human. 

When your heart feels an ache, don’t fight it.  Welcome it.  Emotions become trapped in the body and eventually become physical pains and ailments.  Honor your journey here by not holding on to anything.  All is in process, constantly flowing and in motion.  In the words of Robert Frost, “Nothing gold can stay.”  

Letting the pain flow through you releases it, and opens you up to the language of the Universe.  See the hidden gift in what you may now see as an inconvenience, uncomfortable situation, or useless torture.  It holds a truth that is waiting for you to see it. 

Adventures in Spiritual Dating: Can you hear me now?

•January 8, 2017 • Leave a Comment

This one speaks directly to others who are spiritually-connected and living an intuitive life.

The absolute biggest issue I’ve encountered in any sort of dating is that of a lack of connection.  When a person, such as myself, has a strong connection to Spirit, everything else pales in comparison.  The intensity of the closeness I experience with loved ones in Spirit, animals, Angels, etc, can be compared to what I imagine it feels like in the womb.  Looking into the eyes of another person, versus looking into the eyes of a puppy, for example, is something the average person can understand when it comes to this comparison.  There is no hidden agenda, or manipulation.  It is the purest form of connection and it just feels like absolute communion, a joining of spirits.

Being empathic means that I often connect to someone and experience their current state and vibration, which generally acts as a shield to who they are on a deeper level.  It’s confusing because my intellect wants to chime in and do some logical interpretation of what’s being said,  but my intuitive mind is so open it’s difficult to do more than live in the moment.  In truth, I operate by living in the moment, staying present, and that often means that I don’t give much thought to ‘what’s next’ or ‘why certain things are discussed and others are not.’  I’m simply ‘being,’ and flowing with what is happening.  Unless I’m paired with someone who is also present in the moment, without an agenda or having his head be in another place, you can imagine the feeling of disconnect that I experience.

Feelings of being isolated are quite common among spiritually-connected people.  When you have had the experience of being so close to something, it becomes evident that in human form, we simply can’t touch the soul of someone who hasn’t reached that point of being spiritually-aware or connected.  It’s like trying to stack two different sized Legos and always having those notches that don’t meet up stick out in that annoying way.

This will be my last in the ‘Adventures in Spiritual Dating’ series.  I continue to reach out to those I am drawn to, and explore what adventures lie ahead.  A word of sage wisdom– Once in my life I had a very special connection with a boyfriend who could literally read my thoughts, and I his.  It’s never happened since, and that was about 20 years ago.  I was so young, I had no idea how special and rare that connection was, and I’ve never been able to fully break it.  We remain friends to this day.  So– cherish those around you who do not need words to be understood and who can communicate with a touch and a look in their eyes.  They are your vibrational match, and hard to find. Being on the same wavelength is far more difficult when you’re operating from the space of being spiritually aware.




Adventures in Spiritual Dating- The excitment and terrifying feeling of being seen.

•January 2, 2017 • Leave a Comment


It’s easy to stir up passion and exciting to explore chemistry.  Those are the two main reasons so many of us are out there dating people we know could not fit into our every day lives and realities.  Especially as an empath, it’s quite addictive to constantly feel those brand new combinations that happen when we allow our energy fields to mingle with another’s.  It’s chemistry on steroids for sensitive people.  Two energy fields, coming together can yield very interesting experiences, and ultimately we are experiencing ourselves in other people.  Some may bring out your shadow side, and you may find yourself immersed in feelings that are in complete resistance to him or her.  Other times, there’s what I call a ‘wounded healer,’ connection where the other person’s emotional pain is like a tonic that you can’t stop drinking, in the hopes you will take it all into yourself and remove the person’s pain.  In the end, we find that we cannot heal our own wounds.

Then there are the moments when we are caught off-guard and our vulnerability shows, plain as day, almost without our permission.  We reveal ourselves.  This is the most frightening for some of us, and for others, that raw feeling is so familiar we practically live there.  Letting ourselves be seen becomes the thing we avoid, even though it is the very thing that would bring us closer to another human being, and to touch souls, which is what we are all craving to do.

In order to experience that closeness we all want and deserve, we have to peel back the layers, and uncover ourselves.

I’ve found myself pulling back and hiding myself without a conscious thought as to why.  I’ve put on weight over the last few months, very rapidly.  There have been far too many moments of being comfortably numbed by the effects of alcohol. I’ve been so lost in a passionate moment and suddenly found myself tensing up, when it felt as if I may surrender to the moment and lose control of my heart.  Keeping myself guarded had become a way of life, and it is a difficult habit to give up, especially when it’s on an unconscious level.  At the end of the day, I’ve found myself feeling hollow without understanding that I wasn’t respecting my soul’s voice when it was asking me to let myself jump, and fall without fear.  My survival mechanisms were in full throttle.

Why do we spend so much time, puffing out our bellies and showing people how strong and mighty we are, when all we want is to find someone who makes us feel safe enough to fall apart in their arms?

We think we want unconditional love,  but what we are really searching for is unconditional acceptance.  Being vulnerable in the presence of another soul is the most powerful connection we can experience as humans.  It breaks down all barriers and allows for the closeness we seek to experience in our souls. And yet, it’s the very thing we do this dance, hoping to avoid.

Eventually, the energy it takes to keep our guard up is exhausted, and we reveal our humanness.  I openly admit, that in a partner, this is what I’m hoping to see.  I want to breath in that energy of emotional and spiritual nakedness and let it wash over me, so I can respond with the same.  We are both human and divine.  Our strength lies within our vulnerability, which is what reveals our souls.  Holding ourselves back punishes everyone, including ourselves, and robs us of the experience of oneness in human form.


Adventures in Spiritual Dating- First Dates

•December 13, 2016 • Leave a Comment

When I meet someone, the first impressions I receive often come from my intuitive senses before my intellect kicks in.  It’s always been the first thing that I notice when meeting new people.  I feel them.  Dating is no exception.  And yes, I will pick up on things like, ‘this guy thinks he’s a big deal,’ or ‘he’s uncomfortable in his own skin.’   I have a pretty good bullshit detector, but at the same time, I want to see the good in someone so it’s not always easy.

Within minutes, I feel a shift in the vibration and I very naturally match the vibration of the person I’m with.  I maintain a slight openness from an empathic standpoint, because, for me, this is one of the ways I experience a person.  I’ll find my mind gravitate toward specific thought patterns or topics of conversation without effort, and almost always receive a look or a comment like, ‘it’s funny you should mention that.’

Recently, I went on a date to a Sports Bar, and during the conversation, I suddenly saw a dog in my mind’s eye.  Even with the television sets, and the noise of other patrons, it was there.  I suddenly interrupted and asked, “do you have a dog?”  He said, “Yes, how did you know that?”  His expression was pretty suspicious.  I sort of casually mentioned that I’m intuitive and that I thought I had mentioned that in my profile.  He didn’t really seem to believe me, but he asked me if i knew what breed.  I could see that it was back and tan, like a rottweiler, so I asked about the color first and he said, ‘Yes.’  As he searched his phone for a photo.  I guessed at the breed, and even though it wasn’t a rottie, he had all the markings, including the giant bear-like paws.   Now, you may know that I never ‘work’ when I’m having a drink, and this is no exception.  Once the waitress brought over my drink, my ‘closed for business’ sign metaphorically went up and I stopped picking up information.

When I’m asked about myself, it’s relatively difficult to give a straight answer to certain questions, because I don’t really think in a linear way about myself.  I will say things like, “I like to help people,” or “I like to spend time in nature,” and for most of my spiritual friends, this is acceptable.  More intellectual minds tend to be meticulous, and detail-oriented, so many times I tend to feel like I’m being dissected, and this makes me want to stop sharing.  If I try to play the same game, it makes me even more agitated.  At this point, I know if there is a connection that is on a deeper level.  First dates are like job interviews.  If I can’t get to a certain level of comfort, I know it’s going to be an uphill battle and I let the ship go down, as it will.

I relate to other people based on sharing, and finding common ground, not putting puzzle pieces together.  I want to hear your stories, and how you felt the first time you rode a bicycle.  I want you to understand the look in my eyes when I talk about a pet that I love and express how much I miss her.    I don’t want a carbon copy of myself- so don’t mistake what I’m saying there.  I want someone who can relate to how I experience the world, even if he doesn’t quite experience it the same way.

Is there a man out there who wants to truly know ‘me’ as a whole person, without pulling me apart, analyzing, comparing and evaluating me on some kind of a scale?

Adventures in Spiritual Dating Part 1- The Myth of having to love yourself first

•December 11, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Warning-  Beyond this point, I will not apologize for what may or may not offend you. I will be using the language I feel best expresses my experience, and I’ll share a secret with you… I curse like a sailor, and I am spiritual as fuck.   You may begin.

So here I am, a spiritual person in the world of the single human, looking for love.  What exactly is that like? Well, this is where the fun begins.

If you’re like me, you’ve spent hours on your own ‘self,’ and have come to a place where you’re ready to share your ‘self’ with others.  Let me begin by saying that you are an infinite soul and will never be ‘finished’ with your work, so the point at which you decide to invite someone to share your life is your choice.  None of us truly has our shit together.  In the spiritual community, it’s almost a proverb to say things like, ‘you have to love yourself first.’   I kinda gotta call bullshit on that.  The rules of freewill mean you can do whatever the hell you want, for one, and for another, who does anyone think they are to tell YOU that you don’t already love yourself?  I loved my dog, Toby when I was 8.  I didn’t have a spiritual community to tell me I wasn’t capable of loving him fully, and I stand by that now.  Humans love power, control and rules.  A ‘spiritual’ person who tries to limit your thinking is not being spiritual, he or she is being human.  There are infinite ways to experience infinite Love.  Pick one, and then another, and then another.  Don’t let anyone tell you what you’re lacking and therefore why you’re not worthy of love or loving someone yet.

If we are all sparks of God and as such we are all part of each other, loving ANYONE ELSE IS loving yourself.  We are all expressions of God, seeking to experience such as separate from the whole in this experience.  So when I look at you and say, ‘you are so beautiful,’ I am seeing a part of God, and thus a part of me.  Bam.


Adventures in Spiritual Dating

•November 28, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Like many of you, for most of my life I was in the spiritual closet. I kept my gifts to myself, and I only let a few people know about my experiences. I dated, and of course I was married for a time, but my spiritual self was still somewhat separate from my human identity and as such, wasn’t shared with my romantic partners. I always made it a less important part of my life out of fear that it would interfere or cause trouble somehow. I did a lot of hiding, and put a lot of thought into my wording of things as not to let out my big secret- that I am spiritual being!

Fast forward to today, and it’s a totally different picture. I’ve fully embraced myself as a spiritual being, and identify with what I call the little ‘i’ much less than the big ‘I.’ This is a huge step for anyone, and if you’ve done it yourself, I commend you. It isn’t an easy thing to do. As a fully integrated, whole being, and a single lady, I’m ready to go out and find the romantic partner of my dreams.

This time around, I’m out, baby! And it sure makes things interesting. A lot of puzzled looks, followed by the furrowing of the brow, and taking a step back, are among the reactions I’ve received when I try to explain what I’m all about. But guess what? This time there will be no hiding, no compromising and NO rewording of anything to smooth over the metaphysical undertones. This time, I want a partner that is right for me, not one that I am willing to put up with or who is willing to look past what he sees as simply a ‘hobby’ or my ‘quirks.’

I’m inviting you into my personal journey, and will share things that some may think are inappropriate, so consider yourself warned if you are easily offended. As more of my personality comes out through the magic of my story-telling, you may find some colorful language and frank viewpoints. Don’t forget- in all of my glory as a Divine Being, I am also fully Human. Let’s begin!

Shadows and Light.

•July 2, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Shadow and Light. Black and White.  Everything has its polar opposite.  But what if it all just came from the same place and the only difference is how we look at things?

Nurturing is looked at as a ‘good’ quality, while enabling is looked at as a ‘bad’ quality.  But in the both of these concepts lies the energy of same force.  What if the only difference between what this energy develops into or how it takes shape in the world, is the intention and motivation behind it?  The same words that are debasing to some are quite tantalizing or terms of endearment to others.  For some people, feeling pain means they are still alive.  For others, it stops them from living.  It’s all a matter of perspective.

In all of our experiences, there lies incredible insight into what it means to be a human being.  They all have value, and play a part in how we understand the world.  Seeing multiple sides of an equation is surprisingly simple when we observe rather than filter through the lens of judgement. Allowing ourselves to be honest about our experiences and let go of the judgement we hold of them, frees us of self-imposed stress and helps us walk through the doorway that we’ve been staring at with fear.  Every time we experience something, we become able to understand ourselves and each other a little better.  Integrating the parts of ourselves that we associate with ‘darkness’ or see as ‘bad,’ is the essence of bringing us into alignment.  When we are fighting parts of ourselves, or trying to tell ourselves we need to fixed, we are not being loving to ourselves.

from the Medieval Scapini Tarot

from the Medieval Scapini Tarot


This is something I’ve come full circle with, which is why I’ve chosen to share it today.  Even the most spiritual among us has moments of doubt that cause us to see what once was in perfect order as complete chaos.  In the darkest time of my life, I could not see or process things because I judged and separated things into compartments.  I thought this would keep my ‘parts’ neat and organized.  But much like a child who thinks the mashed potatoes should never touch the peas on his plate, separating the parts of myself served no purpose except to fool myself into believing my fears.  In truth, worlds will not collide and explode if our peas touch our mashed potatoes, and the earth will not end if we integrate all of our experiences and accept that we are not the sum of them.

You are more than the sum of your mistakes in one column,

versus the accomplishments in the other.

This is the trap I fell into for a number of years.  I questioned everything, and I made it all fit into one category or another in an effort to make sense of things.  In truth, as a result of the more painful times in my life, I felt I had betrayed myself and thought the best thing to do was to live in my ego, and therefore, I would be protected.  I became fearful.  I quantified everything.  And in the end, I realized I was hurting myself more than I was protecting myself.  I segregated my selves and tried to take each one out of its box when needed, while carefully putting the other selves away.   They were an array of identities  daughter, friend, stepmother, wife, ex-wife, employee, mystic, gypsy, spiritual, etc.

I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, because I am no longer in denial about any of the things I am, and more so because I understand the power I have to change.  Yesterday I may have been needy because my reality was being shaped by a viewpoint of lack.  Today, I feel gratitude for all that I have.  Patience and time showed me that my judgements were a choice.   Today, I choose differently.  I honor and accept the dark parts of me, inviting them to tell me a story of how they came to be and why they hide.  Should you choose to go through this process yourself, you will find there’s nothing you need to hide from.

Light of the love that I found

•June 27, 2016 • Leave a Comment

If you read my previous post, you already know that incredible shifts have been happening in my life over the last couple of months.  I can’t exactly explain how it happened.  It’s almost as if a light switch was flipped and for the first time in years I could see the world around me.

Of course, Spirit likes to test us to see if we really got the lesson, right?  So tonight, I set out for my favorite 3-mile walking route with my phone in-hand set to my playlist of choice and MapMyWalk fired up to record my efforts.  About a mile and a half into my walk, I felt a droplet.  I looked up and said, ‘oh no you don’t!’

But it did.

At first I thought it would only last a few minutes, as storms come and go quickly here in Florida. So I stopped under a tree and kept my music playing while I sort of bopped up and down to keep my heart rate up.  When it let up a little, I started back up at full speed.  It was raining lightly but the sun was still out, making the sky look as if it were glowing behind the few darker clouds.  Memories of playing outside in the rain until my mother made us come inside came flooding back (pun intended).  I thought about a secret wish I’ve harbored, which I’ve never spoke aloud- to walk, splash and just ‘be’ in the rain, enjoying every single minute of it, was suddenly coming true.   In that moment, I smiled up at Spirit.

When we allow ourselves to be authentic

and admit what we really want inside,

we experience not only freedom,

but a full response from the Universe.

I took my hair down and let it get soaking wet.  My clothes were sopping.  My face was dripping and yet all I could do was smile.  Of course, my phone was a concern so I stopped by a tree that had a little newsstand and stuck it inside while I waited for the heavier part of the rains to stop.  As I stood there, the little league game at the park behind me was being rained out and little disappointed faces were sitting in the dugout.  A man on a bicycle passed by, laughing to himself as another man on a motorcycle pulled up to the same corner, also smiling.  He shouted out,”Nice weather we’re having!”  When he reached me I stood there smiling and nodded as I squeezed the drops of water from my t-shirt.  There wasn’t a drop of sarcasm or an once of impatience to be had. I’ve never seen a more serene scene, as each of us made our way with ease through the raindrops.

In the past, I would have been frustrated by all of this, criticizing myself for going out when it might rain, or the rain itself for falling.  But in this moment, I had the realization that I’ve truly experienced a shift in my life.

Once it let up, I wrapped up my phone in a newspaper and made my way home, laughing and smiling along the way, knowing that this was a test from Spirit.  Since my most recent awakening, it’s been a natural inclination for me to thank people for the little things, as well as the big things.  I’m aware of how precious it is to have so much love and support from the people around me. I’m grateful for every chance I have to give of myself in any way, even if it’s just to give someone a simple compliment.

Spirit: “Have you really adjusted your attitude?”   Me: “Oh yes, yes I have! “

Life is not about waiting out the storm. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Life is not about waiting out the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Part of my blog has always been to reveal the secret “confessions” of what it’s like to have a connection to Spirit, and yet at the same time to reveal the honest truth-  that even the most ‘spiritual’ among us are also human.  We make mistakes.  We get frustrated.  We say or do things we regret every once in a while.  But we have the power to change our minds, and change our lives.  We all deserve a second chance.  I would rather love someone just a little too much, and hurt just a little deeper for having the prividege of loving someone. I’m not afraid of looking foolish for getting caught in the rain.  I’m not ashamed that it felt freeing, fun and brought me a sense of joy.  I fully embrace being both resilient and vulnerable in my humanness, and I fully trust that God, Spirit, the Universe, or whatever word you prefer to use, is taking care of me, and for that I am grateful.

And if you’re as cool as I know you are, as you were reading this, you were hearing “Fool in the Rain,” by Led Zeppelin, simply because you were clever enough to gleen that bit of insight from the title of this post.


May the Force be with you

•June 12, 2016 • Leave a Comment

It’s been some time since I’ve written about something personal, but it feels like the things I’ve been going through would help others who have also been in a dark place, so today I’m speaking from my own voice and experience.

We are all very complicated in our make up.  At times I have felt like I was caught up in a tornado that was swirling with everything I thought, felt, and feared.  None of it made sense.  All of it seemed disconnected.  At one time or another, we all feel conflicted and unable to make choices for fear of what they may bring.

My divorce was final in Oct 2011.  After relocating my life, beginning a new career, becoming a stepmom, and having to struggle to keep it all together for so long, I had to re-relocate back with family and figure out who I was.  I thought I was a colossal failure.  How could I have been so stupid to uproot my entire life, only to have it come crashing down in so many pieces?

I tried my hardest to make peace with the situation, and find a way to move through it, without doing any additional harm.  I remained calm and decided my best course of action was to create a timeline and a plan that would allow me to transition back home to live with family and regroup.  I mustered a sense of certainty that allowed me to have difficult conversations, and make difficult choices as if I were running business.  It all made good sense.

Once I was home, something changed.  You know that feeling of calm that you experience when a volatile situation arises and you are able to handle it with surprising ease-  only to crack into a million pieces once it’s all been resolved?  That’s what happened to me.  I experienced nights of sleeplessness, and when I could sleep, I would wake up in the middle of the night with a sense of dread and panic that I couldn’t control.  “What have I done?  What happened to me?”  I tried to maintain my composure, but underneath it all, I was fractured and I felt like I wasn’t valued.  I doubted all of the decisions I made that lead up to what felt like one big disaster.  I turned inward and in my spiritually-minded way, I spent a lot of time reflecting on things.  I got a routine started that would create a sense of normalcy.   I thought I was doing okay, but in my desire to move forward, I was bypassing my pain in favor of ‘positive thoughts,’ and distractions that kept me from seeing that I needed to heal from what had transpired.

It’s been almost 5 years since then, and I’m here to tell you that no matter how much you want to move through and past the things that broke you and caused you trauma, sometimes only time can heal your wounds.  If you are lucky, you will find that people will come into your life that will show you things about yourself that really need your attention.  But if you are not ready to see them, once again, only time will bring you that wisdom.  And what is the wisdom that came?  I quote Yoda-

You must unlearn what you have learned.

Truth:  Before I went through all of this, I was in the most amazing place in my personal development.  I had a career in massage therapy that gave me a true sense of purpose  My work was both intensely personal as well as rewarding.  I was healing people from physical pain, but in addition, my loving attitude created a space for people to open up to me with their worries, emotional baggage, and insecurities.  I listened with a non-judgmental heart.  I saw each of my clients as a soul in a body, trying to do their best to find their way in the world, and I was happy to be a stop on their journey.  I offered a sense of unconditional acceptance and found that my job was more than a job, but a calling to be of service.

This all came to a hault with the divorce.  In my mind, I thought I could never be less than what I had grown into, and yet it is only within the last 5 months that I can truly see what became of me.  My lack of confidence in making decisions threw me into a downward spiral of low self-esteem.  I found my spiritual gifts were becoming less accessible, and that made me further lose my sense of purpose and certainty.  Everything around me seemed to reinforce this new viewpoint that I had little value, and that no one would see me as lovable.  After all, if I was so lovable and wonderful, how could someone cast me aside so easily?  I felt like I had been disposed of.  What’s worse than being rejected by another?  Harboring a deep personal rejection of yourself.

Timing is everything.

The last few months have been the most painful of my life- and that’s saying something.  I’ve never cried so many tears, and I didn’t know I had so many inside me that I could cry.  I withdrew and sank down to a dark space where I thought about all of the things that have happened trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  One person pulled me out of it, in a single conversation.  It was as if I had received a download that updated my whole system. I had clarity.  I began sleeping again.  I felt a sense of happiness that previously had eluded me.   I had a defect in my processing system that was blocking my ability to perceive being loved.  I did not know it, and up until that moment, I could not see it.

Sometimes the answer is right in front of you, but you cannot see it until you are ready.

I’m writing this today, because so many of you feel you are in a dark place, full of conflict and confusion.  It’s okay to be in that place.  It doesn’t mean you are a damaged, broken thing.  It means you are human, and you are struggling to understand your place in the world, and how you fit in to the grand scheme of things. It is normal to feel anxious, and worried.  You are not ending.  You will continue.  The tides come in and out, and no one ever thinks there’s something wrong when they see it.  But with humans, we perceive that we must be ‘this’ or ‘that’ or something is wrong.  Embrace your fears, and you will find that when you allow them to make themselves known, they reveal their purpose.

If you are afraid, it’s okay to admit it, and to reach out for help and feedback.  Situations and relationships can heal and repair.  Not everything that is painful or makes you feel uncomfortable is meant as a sign to leave them behind.  I do believe that we have a purpose here, and that purpose can be as simple as being there in a time of uncertainty and darkness for other people, or to hang in there for someone who needs your support. It does not make them weak, and it doesn’t make you a sucker.  These labels and judgements are the reason we keep ourselves stuck and fearful.  Giving in to your heart’s desires does not make you a fool.  Please stop believing that.  Your heart is the true place that hears the words of God.  God isn’t concerned with your station in life, or what kind of car you drive.  God, or perhaps a more appropriate name to use, the Force, is always there, speaking to us.

Luke Skywalker was always surrounded by the Force, but it was only when he was made aware of it by Obi-Wan Kenobi, that he could choose to listen ot it, and let it flow through him.  But being aware is only the first step.  It was Yoda who showed him how to use it.

So how is it that I got from my divorce and current personal discovery to Star Wars and the Force?  I’ve been thinking a lot about Star Wars, and felt inspired to watch the original trilogy, and notice things that I previously didn’t see– once again, timing is everything.  I reluctantly admit, that I actually love it.  The first time I saw Star Wars was 1977 at the drive-in with my parents.  I sat in the back seat of our purple Dodge Charger in my Howdy Doody pajamas and watched in amazment as spaceships traveled throughout the galaxy, and incredible battles were being fought until my tiny eyes fell heavy with sleep.  I’m 41 now, and I’m awake, watching again and seeing things that I couldn’t see before because I am now in a different place.

Have patience with yourself.

Appreciate the love that is in your life.

Accept that the Dark Side is part of life as much as the Light.

May the Force be with you.

Self-Aware is not Self-Centered

•May 19, 2016 • Leave a Comment

From the very beginning, I’ve let it be very clear that this blog is largely about my own spiritual experiences.  I share these to help others find solace that they are not alone in their spiritual experiences. They can be so varied and intricate, that no two are exactly alike.  I believe in the power of taking the events of my life, and using them to find a higher meaning that will serve a higher purpose and usefulness in my life as well as those of my readers.  My words are never meant to be a gospel for you to live by, but a place for you to relate your own experiences and entertain the idea that there can be useful insight when seen through the eyes of a different perspective.  I love and respect everyone who reads this blog, and has supported my life’s purpose just by reading these words.

 I’ve found a universal truth in the many conversations I’ve been privileged to have with people who have shared their stories with me.  I’ve learned that the only truth we can possibly know, is our own.  The only way that I can understand your truth is to find a commonality that would allow me to build a bridge from where I’m standing in my own truth. In conversation with self-aware people, you will often hear them speaking about things from their perspective, and then using comparisons to come to an understanding. You may hear “The way this feels to me is…,” or, “In my past experiences I’ve observed…”  These are statements that come from an individual who is aware enough to speak on what he or she has experienced, while simultaneously communicating a respect that the person they are speaking to may not have experienced the same event the same way.   Spiritually awakened people communicate with one another with one common goal- connection.  Establishing connection is everything to us.  But there is another scenario that takes this beautiful concept and turns it into something ugly.  This is where ‘self-aware,’ becomes ‘self-centered.’   When someone who is not self-aware participates in a conversation with someone who is, all they perceive is that the conversation is being hijacked and re-framed around the other person.  It becomes a threat.  Beings who are insecure, or ‘playing the game,’ rather than being in their authenticity, will make you the source of the negative emotions they are feeling. Hence, you will hear them accuse you, of being all about you.  For them, conversation is not a means of understanding and connection, but a way of establishing status and identity, mistaking what they are hearing as selfishness.  Many of us are guilty of walking into situations where the very people who want to be perceived as ‘open,’ invited us to share our feelings, only to mock them behind our backs.

For every misunderstood soul, who by stepping back to give another space has been called rude, or who by speaking from their own viewpoint with the intention of respecting that others may have experienced something differently have been called self-centered, please know that you are simply a vibrational mismatch for the situation or environment you are in.  There is nothing wrong with you, and there is no reason to feel that you need to change yourself.  It is not a criminal act to love yourself enough, not to tolerate hurtful behavior directed at you, and to create healthy boundaries that help you feel safe to be in your authenticity.  If you are a lamb, it is not wise to sleep with lions.  If you are awake, it will not serve you to struggle to be understood by those who are sleeping.  Find the ‘3rd’ option, and go in the direction that your speaks to your soul.

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