Adventures in Spiritual Dating: Can you hear me now?

•January 8, 2017 • Leave a Comment

This one speaks directly to others who are spiritually-connected and living an intuitive life.

The absolute biggest issue I’ve encountered in any sort of dating is that of a lack of connection.  When a person, such as myself, has a strong connection to Spirit, everything else pales in comparison.  The intensity of the closeness I experience with loved ones in Spirit, animals, Angels, etc, can be compared to what I imagine it feels like in the womb.  Looking into the eyes of another person, versus looking into the eyes of a puppy, for example, is something the average person can understand when it comes to this comparison.  There is no hidden agenda, or manipulation.  It is the purest form of connection and it just feels like absolute communion, a joining of spirits.

Being empathic means that I often connect to someone and experience their current state and vibration, which generally acts as a shield to who they are on a deeper level.  It’s confusing because my intellect wants to chime in and do some logical interpretation of what’s being said,  but my intuitive mind is so open it’s difficult to do more than live in the moment.  In truth, I operate by living in the moment, staying present, and that often means that I don’t give much thought to ‘what’s next’ or ‘why certain things are discussed and others are not.’  I’m simply ‘being,’ and flowing with what is happening.  Unless I’m paired with someone who is also present in the moment, without an agenda or having his head be in another place, you can imagine the feeling of disconnect that I experience.

Feelings of being isolated are quite common among spiritually-connected people.  When you have had the experience of being so close to something, it becomes evident that in human form, we simply can’t touch the soul of someone who hasn’t reached that point of being spiritually-aware or connected.  It’s like trying to stack two different sized Legos and always having those notches that don’t meet up stick out in that annoying way.

This will be my last in the ‘Adventures in Spiritual Dating’ series.  I continue to reach out to those I am drawn to, and explore what adventures lie ahead.  A word of sage wisdom– Once in my life I had a very special connection with a boyfriend who could literally read my thoughts, and I his.  It’s never happened since, and that was about 20 years ago.  I was so young, I had no idea how special and rare that connection was, and I’ve never been able to fully break it.  We remain friends to this day.  So– cherish those around you who do not need words to be understood and who can communicate with a touch and a look in their eyes.  They are your vibrational match, and hard to find. Being on the same wavelength is far more difficult when you’re operating from the space of being spiritually aware.

 

 

 

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Adventures in Spiritual Dating- The excitment and terrifying feeling of being seen.

•January 2, 2017 • Leave a Comment

 

It’s easy to stir up passion and exciting to explore chemistry.  Those are the two main reasons so many of us are out there dating people we know could not fit into our every day lives and realities.  Especially as an empath, it’s quite addictive to constantly feel those brand new combinations that happen when we allow our energy fields to mingle with another’s.  It’s chemistry on steroids for sensitive people.  Two energy fields, coming together can yield very interesting experiences, and ultimately we are experiencing ourselves in other people.  Some may bring out your shadow side, and you may find yourself immersed in feelings that are in complete resistance to him or her.  Other times, there’s what I call a ‘wounded healer,’ connection where the other person’s emotional pain is like a tonic that you can’t stop drinking, in the hopes you will take it all into yourself and remove the person’s pain.  In the end, we find that we cannot heal our own wounds.

Then there are the moments when we are caught off-guard and our vulnerability shows, plain as day, almost without our permission.  We reveal ourselves.  This is the most frightening for some of us, and for others, that raw feeling is so familiar we practically live there.  Letting ourselves be seen becomes the thing we avoid, even though it is the very thing that would bring us closer to another human being, and to touch souls, which is what we are all craving to do.

In order to experience that closeness we all want and deserve, we have to peel back the layers, and uncover ourselves.

I’ve found myself pulling back and hiding myself without a conscious thought as to why.  I’ve put on weight over the last few months, very rapidly.  There have been far too many moments of being comfortably numbed by the effects of alcohol. I’ve been so lost in a passionate moment and suddenly found myself tensing up, when it felt as if I may surrender to the moment and lose control of my heart.  Keeping myself guarded had become a way of life, and it is a difficult habit to give up, especially when it’s on an unconscious level.  At the end of the day, I’ve found myself feeling hollow without understanding that I wasn’t respecting my soul’s voice when it was asking me to let myself jump, and fall without fear.  My survival mechanisms were in full throttle.

Why do we spend so much time, puffing out our bellies and showing people how strong and mighty we are, when all we want is to find someone who makes us feel safe enough to fall apart in their arms?

We think we want unconditional love,  but what we are really searching for is unconditional acceptance.  Being vulnerable in the presence of another soul is the most powerful connection we can experience as humans.  It breaks down all barriers and allows for the closeness we seek to experience in our souls. And yet, it’s the very thing we do this dance, hoping to avoid.

Eventually, the energy it takes to keep our guard up is exhausted, and we reveal our humanness.  I openly admit, that in a partner, this is what I’m hoping to see.  I want to breath in that energy of emotional and spiritual nakedness and let it wash over me, so I can respond with the same.  We are both human and divine.  Our strength lies within our vulnerability, which is what reveals our souls.  Holding ourselves back punishes everyone, including ourselves, and robs us of the experience of oneness in human form.

 

Adventures in Spiritual Dating- First Dates

•December 13, 2016 • Leave a Comment

When I meet someone, the first impressions I receive often come from my intuitive senses before my intellect kicks in.  It’s always been the first thing that I notice when meeting new people.  I feel them.  Dating is no exception.  And yes, I will pick up on things like, ‘this guy thinks he’s a big deal,’ or ‘he’s uncomfortable in his own skin.’   I have a pretty good bullshit detector, but at the same time, I want to see the good in someone so it’s not always easy.

Within minutes, I feel a shift in the vibration and I very naturally match the vibration of the person I’m with.  I maintain a slight openness from an empathic standpoint, because, for me, this is one of the ways I experience a person.  I’ll find my mind gravitate toward specific thought patterns or topics of conversation without effort, and almost always receive a look or a comment like, ‘it’s funny you should mention that.’

Recently, I went on a date to a Sports Bar, and during the conversation, I suddenly saw a dog in my mind’s eye.  Even with the television sets, and the noise of other patrons, it was there.  I suddenly interrupted and asked, “do you have a dog?”  He said, “Yes, how did you know that?”  His expression was pretty suspicious.  I sort of casually mentioned that I’m intuitive and that I thought I had mentioned that in my profile.  He didn’t really seem to believe me, but he asked me if i knew what breed.  I could see that it was back and tan, like a rottweiler, so I asked about the color first and he said, ‘Yes.’  As he searched his phone for a photo.  I guessed at the breed, and even though it wasn’t a rottie, he had all the markings, including the giant bear-like paws.   Now, you may know that I never ‘work’ when I’m having a drink, and this is no exception.  Once the waitress brought over my drink, my ‘closed for business’ sign metaphorically went up and I stopped picking up information.

When I’m asked about myself, it’s relatively difficult to give a straight answer to certain questions, because I don’t really think in a linear way about myself.  I will say things like, “I like to help people,” or “I like to spend time in nature,” and for most of my spiritual friends, this is acceptable.  More intellectual minds tend to be meticulous, and detail-oriented, so many times I tend to feel like I’m being dissected, and this makes me want to stop sharing.  If I try to play the same game, it makes me even more agitated.  At this point, I know if there is a connection that is on a deeper level.  First dates are like job interviews.  If I can’t get to a certain level of comfort, I know it’s going to be an uphill battle and I let the ship go down, as it will.

I relate to other people based on sharing, and finding common ground, not putting puzzle pieces together.  I want to hear your stories, and how you felt the first time you rode a bicycle.  I want you to understand the look in my eyes when I talk about a pet that I love and express how much I miss her.    I don’t want a carbon copy of myself- so don’t mistake what I’m saying there.  I want someone who can relate to how I experience the world, even if he doesn’t quite experience it the same way.

Is there a man out there who wants to truly know ‘me’ as a whole person, without pulling me apart, analyzing, comparing and evaluating me on some kind of a scale?

Adventures in Spiritual Dating Part 1- The Myth of having to love yourself first

•December 11, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Warning-  Beyond this point, I will not apologize for what may or may not offend you. I will be using the language I feel best expresses my experience, and I’ll share a secret with you… I curse like a sailor, and I am spiritual as fuck.   You may begin.

So here I am, a spiritual person in the world of the single human, looking for love.  What exactly is that like? Well, this is where the fun begins.

If you’re like me, you’ve spent hours on your own ‘self,’ and have come to a place where you’re ready to share your ‘self’ with others.  Let me begin by saying that you are an infinite soul and will never be ‘finished’ with your work, so the point at which you decide to invite someone to share your life is your choice.  None of us truly has our shit together.  In the spiritual community, it’s almost a proverb to say things like, ‘you have to love yourself first.’   I kinda gotta call bullshit on that.  The rules of freewill mean you can do whatever the hell you want, for one, and for another, who does anyone think they are to tell YOU that you don’t already love yourself?  I loved my dog, Toby when I was 8.  I didn’t have a spiritual community to tell me I wasn’t capable of loving him fully, and I stand by that now.  Humans love power, control and rules.  A ‘spiritual’ person who tries to limit your thinking is not being spiritual, he or she is being human.  There are infinite ways to experience infinite Love.  Pick one, and then another, and then another.  Don’t let anyone tell you what you’re lacking and therefore why you’re not worthy of love or loving someone yet.

If we are all sparks of God and as such we are all part of each other, loving ANYONE ELSE IS loving yourself.  We are all expressions of God, seeking to experience such as separate from the whole in this experience.  So when I look at you and say, ‘you are so beautiful,’ I am seeing a part of God, and thus a part of me.  Bam.

 

Adventures in Spiritual Dating

•November 28, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Like many of you, for most of my life I was in the spiritual closet. I kept my gifts to myself, and I only let a few people know about my experiences. I dated, and of course I was married for a time, but my spiritual self was still somewhat separate from my human identity and as such, wasn’t shared with my romantic partners. I always made it a less important part of my life out of fear that it would interfere or cause trouble somehow. I did a lot of hiding, and put a lot of thought into my wording of things as not to let out my big secret- that I am spiritual being!

Fast forward to today, and it’s a totally different picture. I’ve fully embraced myself as a spiritual being, and identify with what I call the little ‘i’ much less than the big ‘I.’ This is a huge step for anyone, and if you’ve done it yourself, I commend you. It isn’t an easy thing to do. As a fully integrated, whole being, and a single lady, I’m ready to go out and find the romantic partner of my dreams.

This time around, I’m out, baby! And it sure makes things interesting. A lot of puzzled looks, followed by the furrowing of the brow, and taking a step back, are among the reactions I’ve received when I try to explain what I’m all about. But guess what? This time there will be no hiding, no compromising and NO rewording of anything to smooth over the metaphysical undertones. This time, I want a partner that is right for me, not one that I am willing to put up with or who is willing to look past what he sees as simply a ‘hobby’ or my ‘quirks.’

I’m inviting you into my personal journey, and will share things that some may think are inappropriate, so consider yourself warned if you are easily offended. As more of my personality comes out through the magic of my story-telling, you may find some colorful language and frank viewpoints. Don’t forget- in all of my glory as a Divine Being, I am also fully Human. Let’s begin!

Shadows and Light.

•July 2, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Shadow and Light. Black and White.  Everything has its polar opposite.  But what if it all just came from the same place and the only difference is how we look at things?

Nurturing is looked at as a ‘good’ quality, while enabling is looked at as a ‘bad’ quality.  But in the both of these concepts lies the energy of same force.  What if the only difference between what this energy develops into or how it takes shape in the world, is the intention and motivation behind it?  The same words that are debasing to some are quite tantalizing or terms of endearment to others.  For some people, feeling pain means they are still alive.  For others, it stops them from living.  It’s all a matter of perspective.

In all of our experiences, there lies incredible insight into what it means to be a human being.  They all have value, and play a part in how we understand the world.  Seeing multiple sides of an equation is surprisingly simple when we observe rather than filter through the lens of judgement. Allowing ourselves to be honest about our experiences and let go of the judgement we hold of them, frees us of self-imposed stress and helps us walk through the doorway that we’ve been staring at with fear.  Every time we experience something, we become able to understand ourselves and each other a little better.  Integrating the parts of ourselves that we associate with ‘darkness’ or see as ‘bad,’ is the essence of bringing us into alignment.  When we are fighting parts of ourselves, or trying to tell ourselves we need to fixed, we are not being loving to ourselves.

from the Medieval Scapini Tarot

from the Medieval Scapini Tarot

 

This is something I’ve come full circle with, which is why I’ve chosen to share it today.  Even the most spiritual among us has moments of doubt that cause us to see what once was in perfect order as complete chaos.  In the darkest time of my life, I could not see or process things because I judged and separated things into compartments.  I thought this would keep my ‘parts’ neat and organized.  But much like a child who thinks the mashed potatoes should never touch the peas on his plate, separating the parts of myself served no purpose except to fool myself into believing my fears.  In truth, worlds will not collide and explode if our peas touch our mashed potatoes, and the earth will not end if we integrate all of our experiences and accept that we are not the sum of them.

You are more than the sum of your mistakes in one column,

versus the accomplishments in the other.

This is the trap I fell into for a number of years.  I questioned everything, and I made it all fit into one category or another in an effort to make sense of things.  In truth, as a result of the more painful times in my life, I felt I had betrayed myself and thought the best thing to do was to live in my ego, and therefore, I would be protected.  I became fearful.  I quantified everything.  And in the end, I realized I was hurting myself more than I was protecting myself.  I segregated my selves and tried to take each one out of its box when needed, while carefully putting the other selves away.   They were an array of identities  daughter, friend, stepmother, wife, ex-wife, employee, mystic, gypsy, spiritual, etc.

I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, because I am no longer in denial about any of the things I am, and more so because I understand the power I have to change.  Yesterday I may have been needy because my reality was being shaped by a viewpoint of lack.  Today, I feel gratitude for all that I have.  Patience and time showed me that my judgements were a choice.   Today, I choose differently.  I honor and accept the dark parts of me, inviting them to tell me a story of how they came to be and why they hide.  Should you choose to go through this process yourself, you will find there’s nothing you need to hide from.

Light of the love that I found

•June 27, 2016 • Leave a Comment

If you read my previous post, you already know that incredible shifts have been happening in my life over the last couple of months.  I can’t exactly explain how it happened.  It’s almost as if a light switch was flipped and for the first time in years I could see the world around me.

Of course, Spirit likes to test us to see if we really got the lesson, right?  So tonight, I set out for my favorite 3-mile walking route with my phone in-hand set to my playlist of choice and MapMyWalk fired up to record my efforts.  About a mile and a half into my walk, I felt a droplet.  I looked up and said, ‘oh no you don’t!’

But it did.

At first I thought it would only last a few minutes, as storms come and go quickly here in Florida. So I stopped under a tree and kept my music playing while I sort of bopped up and down to keep my heart rate up.  When it let up a little, I started back up at full speed.  It was raining lightly but the sun was still out, making the sky look as if it were glowing behind the few darker clouds.  Memories of playing outside in the rain until my mother made us come inside came flooding back (pun intended).  I thought about a secret wish I’ve harbored, which I’ve never spoke aloud- to walk, splash and just ‘be’ in the rain, enjoying every single minute of it, was suddenly coming true.   In that moment, I smiled up at Spirit.

When we allow ourselves to be authentic

and admit what we really want inside,

we experience not only freedom,

but a full response from the Universe.

I took my hair down and let it get soaking wet.  My clothes were sopping.  My face was dripping and yet all I could do was smile.  Of course, my phone was a concern so I stopped by a tree that had a little newsstand and stuck it inside while I waited for the heavier part of the rains to stop.  As I stood there, the little league game at the park behind me was being rained out and little disappointed faces were sitting in the dugout.  A man on a bicycle passed by, laughing to himself as another man on a motorcycle pulled up to the same corner, also smiling.  He shouted out,”Nice weather we’re having!”  When he reached me I stood there smiling and nodded as I squeezed the drops of water from my t-shirt.  There wasn’t a drop of sarcasm or an once of impatience to be had. I’ve never seen a more serene scene, as each of us made our way with ease through the raindrops.

In the past, I would have been frustrated by all of this, criticizing myself for going out when it might rain, or the rain itself for falling.  But in this moment, I had the realization that I’ve truly experienced a shift in my life.

Once it let up, I wrapped up my phone in a newspaper and made my way home, laughing and smiling along the way, knowing that this was a test from Spirit.  Since my most recent awakening, it’s been a natural inclination for me to thank people for the little things, as well as the big things.  I’m aware of how precious it is to have so much love and support from the people around me. I’m grateful for every chance I have to give of myself in any way, even if it’s just to give someone a simple compliment.

Spirit: “Have you really adjusted your attitude?”   Me: “Oh yes, yes I have! “

Life is not about waiting out the storm. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Life is not about waiting out the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Part of my blog has always been to reveal the secret “confessions” of what it’s like to have a connection to Spirit, and yet at the same time to reveal the honest truth-  that even the most ‘spiritual’ among us are also human.  We make mistakes.  We get frustrated.  We say or do things we regret every once in a while.  But we have the power to change our minds, and change our lives.  We all deserve a second chance.  I would rather love someone just a little too much, and hurt just a little deeper for having the prividege of loving someone. I’m not afraid of looking foolish for getting caught in the rain.  I’m not ashamed that it felt freeing, fun and brought me a sense of joy.  I fully embrace being both resilient and vulnerable in my humanness, and I fully trust that God, Spirit, the Universe, or whatever word you prefer to use, is taking care of me, and for that I am grateful.

And if you’re as cool as I know you are, as you were reading this, you were hearing “Fool in the Rain,” by Led Zeppelin, simply because you were clever enough to gleen that bit of insight from the title of this post.

 

 
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