Shadows and Light.
Shadow and Light. Black and White. Everything has its polar opposite. But what if it all just came from the same place and the only difference is how we look at things?
Nurturing is looked at as a ‘good’ quality, while enabling is looked at as a ‘bad’ quality. But in the both of these concepts lies the energy of same force. What if the only difference between what this energy develops into or how it takes shape in the world, is the intention and motivation behind it? The same words that are debasing to some are quite tantalizing or terms of endearment to others. For some people, feeling pain means they are still alive. For others, it stops them from living. It’s all a matter of perspective.
In all of our experiences, there lies incredible insight into what it means to be a human being. They all have value, and play a part in how we understand the world. Seeing multiple sides of an equation is surprisingly simple when we observe rather than filter through the lens of judgement. Allowing ourselves to be honest about our experiences and let go of the judgement we hold of them, frees us of self-imposed stress and helps us walk through the doorway that we’ve been staring at with fear. Every time we experience something, we become able to understand ourselves and each other a little better. Integrating the parts of ourselves that we associate with ‘darkness’ or see as ‘bad,’ is the essence of bringing us into alignment. When we are fighting parts of ourselves, or trying to tell ourselves we need to fixed, we are not being loving to ourselves.
from the Medieval Scapini Tarot
This is something I’ve come full circle with, which is why I’ve chosen to share it today. Even the most spiritual among us has moments of doubt that cause us to see what once was in perfect order as complete chaos. In the darkest time of my life, I could not see or process things because I judged and separated things into compartments. I thought this would keep my ‘parts’ neat and organized. But much like a child who thinks the mashed potatoes should never touch the peas on his plate, separating the parts of myself served no purpose except to fool myself into believing my fears. In truth, worlds will not collide and explode if our peas touch our mashed potatoes, and the earth will not end if we integrate all of our experiences and accept that we are not the sum of them.
You are more than the sum of your mistakes in one column,
versus the accomplishments in the other.
This is the trap I fell into for a number of years. I questioned everything, and I made it all fit into one category or another in an effort to make sense of things. In truth, as a result of the more painful times in my life, I felt I had betrayed myself and thought the best thing to do was to live in my ego, and therefore, I would be protected. I became fearful. I quantified everything. And in the end, I realized I was hurting myself more than I was protecting myself. I segregated my selves and tried to take each one out of its box when needed, while carefully putting the other selves away. They were an array of identities daughter, friend, stepmother, wife, ex-wife, employee, mystic, gypsy, spiritual, etc.
I’m happier now than I have been in a long time, because I am no longer in denial about any of the things I am, and more so because I understand the power I have to change. Yesterday I may have been needy because my reality was being shaped by a viewpoint of lack. Today, I feel gratitude for all that I have. Patience and time showed me that my judgements were a choice. Today, I choose differently. I honor and accept the dark parts of me, inviting them to tell me a story of how they came to be and why they hide. Should you choose to go through this process yourself, you will find there’s nothing you need to hide from.
Confessions of a Spirit Messenger 