The Secret Struggle
We are all fighting a secret battle that no one can see. I’m no exception to this. Each of us, at some point, becomes so good at hiding our struggle, that it appears that no one notices. And then, you stumble across that one person, who without effort, creates a tiny crack in our fortress, and things come pouring out.
Then what?
We immediately panic. We pull back. We hide. We try to quietly let the crack heal in the private hell we create for ourselves that no one is supposed to see or know exists.
The world tells us that any sign of weakness makes us vulnerable to attack. I’m not sure which is worse- the fact that we see our authentic selves as weak or that we have to walk around feeling like we are prey.
So here’s what I really want to say, and this was just laying out some groundwork for where this is coming from.
All living things, if they are healthy, instinctively crave love, safety and comfort. Somehow, we’ve created a world where these needs are looked at as weaknesses, and that is devastating. To deny this is to create a world that thrives on fear and addiction. If we can’t get love, we try to fulfill that need other ways- sex with strangers, drugs, alcohol, over-spending, extreme sports, etc. Love makes us feel connected and alive, and if we do not have that, we will do anything to find a way to feel those things, even if it’s only temporary and detrimental in the long run. They always fall short.
The devastating part is that we are all in need of the same thing, and all afraid to admit it- and for some of us, it was a spiritual teaching that brought us to this place. That’s right, my friends, you thought you were doing yourself a favor by not needing anyone and being ‘strong’ on your own, but all you achieved was isolation, and denial of what truly makes you thrive as a human being. Looking at it from that viewpoint, the thing you thought made you powerful actually made you quite weak, and easier prey for those who enjoy destroying someone’s spirit.
You thought that by keeping yourself in control of your emotions, you were being strong. Instead, it created a dissociative state that you are now very comfortable with, hence having the thing you truly want and need- love, safety and comfort- become a threat.
Can you see where I’m going with this?
We’ve been conditioned that our ego is evil. I don’t understand that. Ego is your identity in this life, in other words, your gender/ancestry/name, anything that is associated with your physical form. It is not the enemy. It’s simply your current incarnation. This physical form will have needs that need to be tended to. Ego gives us an individual personality and identity, so that Spirit, which is our true identity, can experience itself in its many forms. Ego IS the purpose of being human. It’s the experience we came here for. So why are we trashing it? Why are we telling ourselves that it’s something that needs to be shed and transcended?
Ego is the incarnation, but it is not disconnected from Spirit. Spirit also has needs, and they are linked. Spirit craves oneness, connection, and harmony. These pair perfectly with the needs of the ego, they are not in opposition. Living from this space creates a different experience of the world.
The person who hides their emotions, authenticity and need for love is living in a state of imprisonment. This WILL lead to the cycle of addiction and abuse. This will yield a fear of intimacy and closeness to other human beings. It will trick you into thinking you are weak for any need you have and that will make you feel unworthy of those needs.
Hear me. I know it’s hard to think that anyone would even want to be a part of your struggle, and your lips are sealed when someone asks you about how you’re doing. But living this way is creating a private Hell for each of us. Jesus said to love one another as we love ourselves. If this is the way we love ourselves, how can we ever expect to love and be loved as we truly need to be loved? It’s impossible.
Being authentic means washing away the things we are taught as right and wrong, and reconnecting to the inner-knowing of what those really are. Destroying other human beings in a quest to best everyone has become the only way to be seen as ‘successful.’ Inside, you know this is wrong, but you are taught that it is weak to be kind, loving and nurturing.
Fuck all that. I need to be loved, nurtured and to feel like I’m of value. I’m done pretending I’m ‘fine.’ I’m not fine, and neither are many of you reading this. I don’t need a professional to counsel me, I need friends who care. I don’t need a happy pill, I need a sense of belonging. I don’t need to make more money, I need to feel valued. We are part of nature, and nature is perfect. It’s the the creation of these rules that have corrupted us, and it’s time we all admit that we’ve created a false world that will never allow us to thrive as we were made to.
Confessions of a Spirit Messenger 