The Lesson really IS in Letting Go
Hey guys! So I promised more content, and as I’ve always promised- this is going to be an honest, full disclosure post. This blog has always been about speaking from my own viewpoint as a spirit medium, and the reason I started it was to show a side that you don’t get on the big talk or tv shows. What’s it like to live your every day life with ‘gifts?’ Well, this is my bread and butter so I hope you’re hungry!
For the last couple of years, I’ve been working as a full time musician. If anyone told me even 5 years ago that’s what I’d be doing I would have laughed in their face! Here’s the truth, though- I’ve made a commitment to following Spirit’s guidance, and that means no plan, no map and only TRUST. Is it easy? Yes and no. Here’s the skinny on how this happened.
When I moved to Florida I began searching for my people. That lead to the Center for Spiritual Living, where I very honestly was just looking for a community that was at least somewhat open-minded about spirituality. One day as I was attending ‘Sunday Celebration,’ which was my only source of social interaction at the time, I heard something. My energy field was super open, and that means that I am accessible to my Guides, or as I usually refer to them- my People. “You should get up there and sing,” they said, “this is going to lead somewhere.” Now, I have sung here and there in front of people at family gatherings but nothing performance-wise since high school, but after all this time having ignored similar messages from my People, only to find that I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was, I decided to start listening. I simply said, “okay.” I didn’t dare bother coming up with all the doubts and roadblocks that I typically envision when I am evaluating the pros and cons of a decision I’m about to make. I just did it. I listened. I went up to the head minister, and she advised me to see the music director, and then, I was up on stage singing in front of about 300 people….weekly. Holy Hell, what was I doing?
Here’s the full disclosure- I have never, ever, EVER been drawn to performing in front of a crowd of any kind, in my whole life. I am not a person who is comfortable being the center of attention. In fact, I’ve made a career of NOT doing that. Most of my professional years were spent assisting high-level executives behind the scenes and then sending them off into the spotlight. I loved it, actually, because I was the hub for everything but didn’t have the pressure of having to make any kind of public appearance. I’d do all the research, prep, and materials, then send it off for someone else to be in the spotlight. I was the superstar behind the curtain- the real Wizard! But life, and Spirit, have a way of bringing you to the place you are meant to be.
Each time I performed, I was approached by people who wanted to hire me for more singing work. One gig lead to another, and before I knew it, I was working full time as a singer. The steps that got me there were all the same- trusting the guidance. I made no plan, whatsoever, to do this. I simply followed the guidance. Even with all of the events happening, there were nights when I would lay in bed, awake at all hours, convinced that people were just being ‘polite’ or ‘nice’ and all of the compliments weren’t real. The ultimate disclosure is this- even as I heard the words of my Guides and all the reassurance of my loved ones in Spirit, I did not think I was good enough. I wouldn’t even watch videos of my performances or listen to recordings because I was convinced I just wasn’t very good. That’s when I discovered a real Truth-
All people must come to things on their own terms. No amount of praise, reason, convincing or otherwise will bring them to it.
Growing up, the nuns would tell us that it was sinful and vain to think we were special in any way. Truth be told, this wasn’t an issue. I’ve always carried a feeling that there was nothing special about me at all. Even so, I would always be asked by the nuns to sing at church. One nun, in particular, spoke very plainly to me one day when I said that I didn’t want to sing at mass that day. “God gave you a gift, and if you don’t share that gift, you are being selfish!” So, of course, I sang! I spent most of my young life not knowing if my fears were real, or if I was being silly and couldn’t see past the nose on my face. I didn’t know if I had self-esteem issues or if it was just my lack of being pretentious. I trusted the authority figures to direct me to the correct choices, because I felt they must know better. At the end of the day, every human being let me down, or fell short in some way. I finally came to really understand that the only thing in my life that never let me down was Spirit. And so we come one of the lessons in this experience: Doubt does not disappear when you have spiritual gifts, because Doubt is human, and we do not cease being human even if we are gifted.
We all have gifts, and we all have fears and doubts. Both can be present simultaneously. Gifted people do not escape being human. I don’t know if my thinking that I’m not good enough is a virtue (as the nuns would teach we are all unworthy) or a disease that I needed to remedy. Once again, this blog is not to judge, but to observe and open up the conversation. Your decisions are always yours to make, but maybe by sharing my journey, you will find there are more options available to you than you thought. It took years for me to listen and trust, and look where that has lead me! Once I let go, life just flowed.
Confessions of a Spirit Messenger 