Where are we now?
It feels fitting to pop in here and let you all know that although I have not been writing regularly, it’s not for lack of content. I’ve been putting out all the information I’ve been receiving on TikTok, and although I’ve organically built up an audience over the last 3 years, I’m not sure how much of an impact it is having. And before I get a bunch of ‘helpful’ comments, I would be remiss if I didn’t state that I work on behalf of Spirit, not myself. This endeavor has never been a business venture for me. It is a Sacred Calling. Yes, I have a menu of services and pricing, but 99% of what I do is deliver on behalf of Spirit, and I don’t charge Creator for the task! This is a significant point in what I do versus other ‘mediums.’ The way the spiritual business model is designed is based on what I consider an inverted version of how my process works.
In order to understand where I am now, you have to understand how I got here.
My connection to Spirit has always been with me. When I came into this world, there was a design and purpose for my soul that I didn’t realize was present until certain responses from others made me stop and question myself. For example, at 4 years old I scolded my aunt for not letting me have a cup of espresso because she said it wasn’t for children, and I boldly told her that when I was ‘big’ I used to drink it all the time, so why couldn’t I have it now? She ‘corrected’ me, “You were never big. You were a baby, and now you’re a kid.’ It stopped me in my tracks. How come she didn’t know what I was talking about? When I was around that same age, I would see the movement in the dark of my bedroom, but turn on the overhead light to reveal nothing was there. So I slept with a nightlight, and guess what? Instead of the illumination putting my mind to rest, the partial illumination revealed the outlines of humanoid-looking figures walking about. My parents thought I didn’t’ want to go to bed. They didn’t listen, and instead, after they fell asleep, I’d go into the hallway and fall asleep by the nightlight outside the bathroom door. So you see, my Human began to assimilate to this world, but the other never went away. I just learned that no one would believe me so I tried to be in the frequency they were in, hoping I’d see the world the way they did and understand why they said what they said to me.
Fast-forward to my adulthood, and I was still trying to understand why I’d know things that I shouldn’t or hear my name, among other things. Experiences that were my original perception point had been forced into a box for ‘other.’ I felt sad and misunderstood, but I stayed quiet as not to be ostracized. This was how I lived until I met my mentor, and she helped me to understand that there was truth in my experiences. It was at this point in time that I allowed them, but kept them to myself or only let on that more was happening when others seemed to be open to it.
I did what most would do, I worked on development, and followed what my mentors and others in the metaphysical field were teaching on this subject. I went through endless trainings, classes, and adopted various techniques or steps within a traditional process to make this work. Truth be told, all it did was water me down and invert my natural ability and process. Other mediums seemed to sit and connect with the Spirit world through a process, as if they were in one room and had to step into another that existed for this purpose, closing the door behind them to the ‘human’ aspect of life. While this was helpful at first, it was mostly an exercise for me to focus on one point of perception, ignoring the other. Once again, I’d ask my questions, but just as a child who was corrected, here, too, they didn’t listen to me. Every time I sought to understand my direct experience, it was re-worked and explained back to me as if I didn’t know what I was talking about. One example that still stands out- I had been attuned to Usui Reiki and became a Certified Reiki Master by a friend. My inner calling was amplified by this, as if I had cleared out some clutter and could see more clearly. When I asked her why I was seeing figures made of light appear whenever I did a session, a look of contempt crossed her face. She immediately uttered these words I cannot unhear, “If you are the student and I am the Teacher, why are you seeing these things, but I’m not.” She stopped talking to me shortly thereafter.
I still had not found my place. I was not a ‘witch shop’ psychic. I was not a tv-style medium. I wasn’t an energy healer with 25 designations for modalities after my name. I did not do the typical new age things all the others were doing, like yoga, sound baths, EFT tapping, crystal grids, etc. However, if someone asked for help, I always did my best to give them whatever Spirit guided me to give. Most that approached me expected one of the aforementioned personalities to emerge during a 15-minute ‘reading.’ I tried, but it never worked that way. In fact, if I was being honest, I was dispensing messages guided by Spirit every day, without a session and without calling out this ‘special gift.’ It was no different for me– but here’s the catch. I observed that when it was simply inserted into conversation, it was seen as much less valuable to consider than if I differentiated it and spoke the same words within a session. People had a need for this information to be special, and from a more supernatural place. It wasn’t good enough that they had received an answer to a burring question from, well, me.
It was at this point that I had to re-examine what was happening here, and stop assuming I was broken for not being able to fit into a box that others had argued meant I was real. I stopped giving formal readings. I never stopped being me.
It took me 10 years of nearly perfect isolation to understand what was ‘wrong.’ It wasn’t me. It wasn’t Spirit. It wasn’t my process. It was the de-evolution of humanity, into the frequency of the most based, ego part of us. The fear, helplessness, victim-mentality, and lack of direction demanded to not only be seen, but given a solution. It was the need for control and power, and it was quickly met, and nourished by the idea that humans were the real creators. It was that incredibly seductive book, ‘The Secret,’ and the movement that taught we could have whatever we wanted if we just believed. Some branches of Science began to back this idea. Entire curriculums were being taught around it in the New Age Communities. Suddenly, this was the answer to everything. It became a part of the collective frequency, and it was marketing genius. Our unending need for control and power, to never be ‘less than,’ with a promise that sounded like the perfect solution sounded oddly familiar.
Yes, that’s the one. Now before you get all ‘oh no, she’s gone all religious on me,’ let me make this clear– I grew up Catholic, but most of what that entailed was lots of hierarchy. Even then, as I would listen to the teachings, my soul would resonate when I heard the Truth, and like the Thunder before the Lightning, I would shudder inside when I felt that ‘bait and switch’ happen with a rule imposed, not by Creator, but by Man. There was more threat than love in some of the words I heard in that space. However, there were quite a few pure hearts in that context that I recognized immediately. Those were the teachers and nuns that spoke the Truth, and when I looked into their eyes, they did not look away. Instead their eyes seemed to expand in their depth, and I felt the presence of Creator. I recognized Connection and Oneness. I also recognized the pang of division, and being shunned. I was the kid who saw another child sitting alone and would go to sit with them. I was the kid who saw a bunch of kids making fun of someone they had cornered, and would step between them, telling them to stop it. I did not need to be taught these things. But I’ll tell you this- I never did understand why I had to ‘confess’ to a priest, all the things that God already knew and had seen. I did not understand why I could not receive Christ in the form of the Eucharist until I told one of the clergy about how bad of a person I was. These were constructs, not Truth, and they were implemented by those who sought to gatekeep something that they had no authority to keep from us. This was a lie. God has no need of priests to be known to any of His creation. Dogma and Doctrine had poisoned the waters, but it could not keep the Truth from me.
The true Ordination comes from Creator, not from Man. Ego has always sought to take power and control for itself. Who we are comes from Creator. What we become is part of our free will choice. The rest is an exercise in deception. Man’s attempt to fool Man for the sake of gaining false power. It only works if you BELIEVE it. This was the snake in another form, just as it was in the New Age Communities. Our weakness for belonging, and having control has resulted in the confused, self-indulgent lifestyles we’ve grown to see as ‘normal.’ We’ve constructed a way of living that simply believes an untruth, and acts accordingly. The New Age Community has us arrogantly parading around, declaring our thoughts are creating the world- the most narcissistic viewpoint I’ve ever heard! So the church makes you believe you need them to get to Creator, and the New Age Community has you as the Creator himself. Neither of these are Truth. They are distortions– but the key to all of this is one very overlooked, basic element– you must give your consent. This is the universal law of free will choice. Neither of these are forcing you to do a thing. They are simply appealing to your weaknesses, and fears. They each offer you the Apple of control and power in a different form. And you keep taking it.
If you’ve read this far, you are a pure soul– or just very curious! The hard-won Truth of it all, is that there is a Creator. There is an Authoritative Structure. There is Diving Order. There is Divine Intervention. There is True Connection. There is Oneness. Humanity is not a ‘throw-away,’ but an exercise in perception and experience. When we stop fighting to control and re-order everything from a different central point of our preference, everything reveals itself as it truly is.
The Snake lied. The Clergy lies. The New Agers lie. The Truth is always there, but your weakness leads you back to BELIEF in what you prefer to be True. The Messengers say to open your eyes. They see that many of us are isolating and they tell us it is not punishment nor is it to ostracize us. It is a way. It is a path to perceiving what is there in the absence of all your worldly constructs about authority, value, and connection vs attachment. It is the answer to why all the most sacred things are kept hidden from the world, and why all the Wise and Holy People live away from society. This is where Truth begins to reveal itself. This reveals the real journey.
“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.” -William Blake
Confessions of a Spirit Messenger 