My Soul Lesson for January

 There are times in life when I feel like I’m so close to taking things to the next level, and yet there’s something in my way.  Some kind of block that keeps me from getting there.  And when that happens I can either keep pushing up against that wall, or  enlist the help of my guides and angels.  After some time banging my head against a wall, I chose the latter.  

As soon as I asked my guides why I had these blocks, I began to receive pictures in my mind of old, painful memories.   Being rejected by an old boyfriend, or betrayed by someone who I thought was a good friend, for example.  And I immediately saw the word, ‘forgiveness.’  I knew what I had to do, so I sat down with myself and allowed each memory to replay in my mind.  I felt all of the anger, frustration, shame, and hurt that each situation had caused me.  Then I pictured the person in each situation that caused me the pain and hurt, and said, “I forgive you for…..”   And I let it go.  Personally, I envision placing an energy ball that represents my hurt feelings into the hands of an angel, and watching her fly up into the clouds with it, taking it to ‘God’ or ‘Spirit.’   Immediately upon doing this exercise, I felt myself instinctively taking a deep breath, and once I let that breath out I felt …..lighter.  It was as if I’d taken a weight off my shoulders.  My test is to allow myself to think of the person again to see if I feel the same.  I didn’t!  The negative emotions attached to that particular person did not come back up again.  They were gone.   Each day since then, one or two painful memories randomly comes up in my head, and when that happens, I use this exercise.  It’s come to be a theme for me, at least for this month, as I know things change rapidly with my guidance when I follow it without question. 

One of the most painful experiences involved a girl I knew in high school.  Yes, high school!  I graduated in 1993 and here it is 2010 and seeing a photo of this girl still elicited an angry response because of what she had done to me.   Without going into too much detail about the situation, this girl had pretended to be my friend.   I opened up to her, telling her things you tell a trusted friend- very personal feelings- only to find that she not only had been laughing at me behind my back, but she had actually put me on the speakerphone at her house while some of her other friends were there, on mute, laughing at me too.  This seems a pretty cruel act to me, since the only thing I can see being accomplished by doing something like that is hurting someone’s feelings.  Maybe she had her own insecurities and needed to deflect before anyone saw them.  I don’t know.  I only know that at that time I was so hurt and it caused me to feel terribly self-conscious and unworthy of friendship.  Do you know that I had to go through this little exercise 2 times before I could breathe that sigh of relief?  Why?  Because there were many incidents when she caused me grief, and I had to forgive all of them, be it one by one or in one long, session.  So the second time, I went through all of the ones I could remember and held those images as I worked with this exercise.  And so it began –  “(Name), I forgive you for making me feel as though I was someone to be laughed at, and not worthy of friendship.”  SIGH.  “(Name)I forgive you for keeping me in a place  where I felt inferior.”  And so on. Each feeling had to be included, or it would come back up again. 

It is important to note that forgiveness does not mean condoning.  You’re not admitting defeat.  You’re not somehow giving the other person permission to hurt you again, and you’re not saying that what they did was right.   This act of forgiveness is your key to freedom.   It’s your soul’s recognition that what has happened in the past, although it may have been painful, was simply an experience and we no longer need to hold onto the pain or relive it again.  It sounds simple, but it is very, very hard to sit there and see someone doing wrong to you and really forgive them in your heart.  If you say the words and do not mean it, you will not let go of the pain and you will not feel the sensation of lightness.  Everyone that does this process will find it will unravel in its own time, but I promise you it will work for you if you give it a try.  

Forgiveness of the self is of equal, if not more importance.  Looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself that you forgive yourself out loud is a very powerful experience.  Some people laugh, some cry, and some just grit their teeth.  I can tell you that for me it’s been extremely emotional.   “I forgive myself for feeling like I’m not good enough.  I forgive myself for not being perfect. ”  These are very powerful and emotionally loaded statements when said with heartfelt sincerity, and I can tell you that they do have an impact on you emotionally and psychologically.  I find that  since I’ve started using this practice I’ve been treating myself and others with much more compassion.  I feel like it has made me a better person.

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~ by healingstarspirit on January 16, 2010.

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