Listen to Your Heart

When someone says ‘listen to your heart,’ what comes to mind?  Oftentimes, we associate this expression with things that we dream about yet never speak out loud.  These dreams are usually delicate, and buried deep within us.  We hide them from ourselves just as much as we do from others.  Even though I’ve mustered a lot of  bravery in creating this blog and am a huge fan of affirmations, I will admit that my biggest dreams are still silently waiting for my attention.  

 Our dreams scare the daylights out of us! 

I can remember the first time I realized that someone else (besides me) knew this and wondered why I didn’t give my dreams a chance.   Here’s the story:

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my introduction into the world of Spirit Mediums happened during my college years when I was lead to read “We Don’t Die,” the biography of George Anderson.  The book changed me like nothing else had.  As I read it, I relived what I consider to be the defining moment in my life- the passing of my maternal grandmother.  I was 8 years old at the time.  It was validation and confirmation of so many things I’d already known.  I cried alone, remembering all of the details of that day (which I will devote a blog to at a later time).   I kept this to myself as I continued to engulf myself in the world of the metaphysical.  At some point, George Anderson was going to be on a television show and I desperately wanted to see it.  At this time the only TV that had cable was in the living room, and perched in front of it was my mother, queen of the remote control.  I was nervous about asking to watch the show, because I didn’t know how she’d react to the nature of it.   I was stunned when she said she didn’t mind if we watched it in that room.  I think it piqued her interest, though she really didn’t ask me any personal questions about why I was interested in it.  She knew why.  Some time after that, my mother was watching John Edward (I think it was Crossing Over at the time) and saw a commercial for an event with a few local mediums happening at the Holiday Inn in Brookline, MA.   She bought tickets for me, herself, my aunt and my aunt’s friend.  I was truly stunned.  First, I didn’t realize she would be so open to it.  Second, anyone that knows my mother knows that driving more than 5 miles to go somewhere is the equivilent of going to China for her!  Somebody up there was on my side. 

It was in April 2002, right around my birthday.  We stepped into the auditorium and it was set up like a semi-circle with the stage in the middle.  The first two psychics were okay, but didn’t really do  much to dazzle us.   Then Jackie stepped out on the stage, and the games began.  At the time she was known as Jackie Lopez, and boy did she have someone yelling in her ear that had something to say.   She came out on stage and said “I’ve got someone here who wants me to acknowledge July 8th.  Does anybody understand or relate to this?”  We all turned white and looked at one another.  None of us raised our hands.  I think we were scared it was real!  After a minute, she got a bite from someone in the crowd who related to the date as a birthday.  Jackie quickly said, “no, this is a death anniversary,” and up went my mother’s hand.  My jaw was on the ground, and I was feeling so nervous I couldn’t process what was happening.  She went on to give us a reading which included messages from my grandmother and, we believe, my great-grandmother.  Because it was an open forum, the intimacy of a private reading just isn’t there, plus since it was our first time, we were so wrapped up in hanging onto her every word, we didn’t ask any questions.  Jackie told us that she was speaking to someone who wanted to acknowledge a birthday.  What I didn’t know was that prior to us coming to the show, my mother had a little conversation with my grandmother.  She told her she’d better come through, and if she did, to make sure she said ‘happy birthday’ to me.  My mother shared this with me in the lobby after the show ended.  

Of course my mother tracked Jackie down after the show and got her information, and shortly thereafter she came by our house to give a group reading to all of the members of my family together.  I was feeling a bit tense.  I had recently lost a friend, and just a little less than a year prior we lost my paternal grandfather.  Now, my paternal grandmother- my Nonni- does NOT believe in any of this.  I was surprised my Dad had her come over to participate.  She’s a devout Catholic, with statues of the Blessed Mother, Jesus, and Saint Anthony all around her home.  To her, it was either heaven or hell, and that was pretty much it.  She found out for herself when she got her own messages that something more exists.   When Jackie arrived we were all nervous and excited at the same time. The reading lasted over an hour, and this time we got a bit more than just the raw message.  She picked up on personalities too, which was both fun and comforting for us to see.  Her laughter and smile were absolutely contagious as she stood in front of us, telling us what our ‘spirit’ family had to say.  My grandmother, of course, was the first to make an appearance and how fitting that was.  She was the matriarch of the family, and when she talked, you listened!  It started with that date, July 8th, again.   Jackie turned to me and said, “you go a lot of places you really shouldn’t go- you know that right?”  Oh crap.  I sunk down into the couch with my arms crossed, just feeling my parents stare at me.   Then Jackie said something that I never expected.  She turned to me and said, “you have a lot of dreams.”  My mood lightened, and not expecting to be acknowledged for having dreams, I said,”yes,” with a look of surprise.  “Why don’t you do any of them?” she said.  I looked at her with a slightly saddened expression and said, “I don’t know.”  She turned away, as if to listen to more of the message and came back to me- “you should!” 

During that time in my life I was in a strange place emotionally and mentally.  I had a steady job which I wasn’t satisfied with, and although I was quite independent, I still lived at home.   I had always been the hermit type, locking myself up in my quiet little space and spending hours reading, listening to music and just thinking about things.  I had always been that way, even when I was a little girl.  In fact, my parents had often expressed concern with regard to my hermit-like ways.  They wondered why I didn’t surround myself with other kids and do what other kids did.  I didn’t have an answer to that.  I just knew that I felt grounded and safe when I was alone.  I would spend time  painting, drawing and even writing short stories in my notebook.  I now know that most of my desire to be alone came from a state of hyper-sensitivity, and a strong empathic ability.  The alone time helped recharge me and allowed me to process things.  My ‘gifts’ were manifesting, but I had no way of understanding what was happening to me.  Now at 34, one of my greatest desires is to help others feel okay about themselves, comfortable in their own skin. 

The dream she spoke of at that time wasn’t just one, but many.  I’d dreamt of becoming a writer for many years.  I had notebooks full of poetry and prose.  I knew inside my heart that this was my true identity.  I was a creative, sensitive and curious person with no direction or outlet to utilize these characteristics.  I was deeply drawn to move to Arizona, for no logical reason.  I came to know years later that it is a place of powerful earth energies, and a Mecca for those interested in all things new age and holistic.  But to this day I’ve still never been there.  Because I’ve told myself that I can’t.  I’ve created excuses in abundance including the very obvious- I can’t go alone, I don’t have the money, I don’t know where to go once I get there, I can’t take the time off of work, etc. 

I can’t say what would have happened differently if I had gone to Arizona, and although I still want to visit there one day, something tells me that what I was to accomplish there has unfolded in other ways.  Spirit ALWAYS finds a way.  The more you ignore it, the louder it gets.  I can’t regret my stops along the path I’ve chosen because I learned so much about people and myself.  I think my detours may have been planned stops that I visited at different points than were originally intended.  I have no doubt in my mind that all of this time I’ve had my grandmother and many others by my side to be sure that I made it to this point. 

Dreams are the voice of your soul calling out your true name.  And nothing is sweeter to a person than hearing the sound of their own name.  No matter how poor you feel the timing is, it’s important that you listen to your heart.  It speaks to you from a place that is pure and will never lead you astray.  It’s that piece of yourself that you are seeking to find out there somewhere, but can’t because all the while you were pushing it aside, not recognizing it for what it truly is.  See your dreams with new eyes and embrace them. 

When I was in the 4th grade, I had a teacher named Mrs. Commito, who I just loved.  She made learning fun.  One day she bought the whole class bookmarks.  Being a book-nerd I was all excited.   To this day, I still have that bookmark and I cherish it.  Below is a scan of it.  You’ll see from the back, that it was given to me just a year after my grandmother passed and that it contains the message that my grandmother had been trying to get to me for so long.   It took some time, but I’m glad I finally got it and today I’m happy to share it with all of you. 

 

In Loving Memory of Mrs. Gloria Commito

Thank you for touching my life.

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~ by healingstarspirit on February 4, 2010.

3 Responses to “Listen to Your Heart”

  1. Hi Coley,

    Just wanted to say I have read everyone of your entries tonight. Wonderful reading. You go girl! I look forward to more!

    Like

  2. I can’t believe what I’m reading about you, that I truly did not know. I just always loved you because you were you…..my favorite niece. You are also an EXCELLENT writer. Keep going.
    All my love, Auntie Marina

    Like

  3. […] aunt and my mother in Brookline, MA where we met Jackie Waitkus.  You can read about the full post here. The short story is, during that first reading, Jackie mentioned that my grandmother was […]

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