In memory of my ‘true friend’

*To protect the identity and privacy of those involved, names have been omitted, but I could not let this date go by without acknowledging it in some way as part of my own personal grieving process.*

She was a quirky mix of sweetness with a penchant for being a rebel. She was intelligent, and had the heart of a child.

April 2002. Our birthdays were close together, so we would go out for dinner somewhere in between the dates to celebrate. We had talked about her current relationship and that it would be over soon, as he would be going to jail in about a month.  She had always insisted that he was a good person inside and that he simply didn’t know what it meant to be loved by anyone.  She wanted to show him what love really meant.  I can remember  many nights listening to her justify this relationship in spite of the way this individual treated her.  He lied, stole from her, and all the while she stood by his side.  Her relief at his sentencing was fairly obvious and I was happy too.  I knew she could get herself together again if he was out of the picture.  Whenever she asked me about what I thought I would tell her quite unapologetically that I thought she should break up with him, and that she brought a lot of her own problems on herself.  This would temporarily upset her, but she always called me within a day or two to thank me for being a ‘true friend,’ and not just telling her what she wanted to hear.  I couldn’t change her mind, but I wouldn’t hide that I didn’t agree with her decision.

A couple of weeks passed and although I didn’t hear from her, it wasn’t unusual for us to go that long without calling or hanging out together.  I was at work in the middle of the afternoon when a message popped up on my screen from a mutual friend telling me that she had passed.  I thought it was a joke.  It wasn’t.  Not only was it real, they were burying her that very afternoon.  I broke down and with a mix of horror and confusion rushing through me, I left immediately and met my friend just in time to watch them put that tiny wooden box holding her remains into the ground.

They  said she committed suicide.  I didn’t believe that to be true, but there was no way I could prove it, and when the detective called me to ask about what I knew I had nothing to offer as evidence that she did not kill herself.  I was told that due to their religious beliefs (her family’s not hers) no autopsy was conducted, and she was cremated and buried within a day of being found in her apartment. So the detective had nothing to go on either.

About a month and a half later, my family had a group reading with a Medium, who very unexpectedly came through with a message for me from a ‘friend.’  And what was that message?  She said “Thank you for being a true friend.”   I knew who it was immediately, and was not expecting to hear from her during this reading.  It was the first reading I’d ever had, and because it was a group reading I didn’t know if I’d be read at all. The Medium also told me that this person does not take responsibility for taking her own life- confirmation of something I already knew in my heart. But there were no details to follow.

At that time, I was still unaware of my own gifts, and would often dismiss things I would receive as imagination.  Now I am able to speak to her myself, which I did tonight.  As I sat on the couch, she came to mind, and I heard “you are the same age that she was when she died,” being whispered to me by one of my guides.  I decided it was time to face what I did not want to face for so long, and finally gathered up the courage to ask her what really happened to her so that I could have some closure.  She conveyed to me that her death was accidental and what happened was not intended to take her life.  Some of this brought me relief, as I know that she did not suffer and that it was not a violent death, but it still does not bring my friend back.

She wanted me to know, once again, that she was grateful to me for being her friend.  I told her that I was sorry I was not able to do something to stop this from happening to her, and she assured me that it was her time, or ‘exit point,’ as she put it.  I apologized and contradicted her compliment telling her that I was not a good friend and that I was often impatient with her.  She had this to say, and there is a lesson in it for everyone reading right now.

“Being a friend isn’t about always being in agreement with another person’s decisions.  I didn’t need you to make my decisions for me or to agree with them.  I needed you to be there beside me while I was making them, and you were, and I’m thankful for that. That is what being a true friend means.”

There were a couple of very trademark expressions said in addition, but this is what I feel is important to share with others about this experience. She made a comment also that she wished she had this much wisdom when she was here, which made me smile.  I asked her what she was doing there now, and she told me she is working with souls who pass in sudden accidents by helping them cross over.  She is still the same girl, wanting to reach out to ‘save’ people,  but now she has a little different perspective.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of her death.  She died at the age of 36.  Her life had meaning, and there is something to be learned from it.  I will always remember her for her big heart, and  I know that most of the people whose lives she touched will not ever forget her.  I won’t either.

In memory of my ‘true friend,’  You are not forgotten.

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~ by healingstarspirit on May 6, 2011.

3 Responses to “In memory of my ‘true friend’”

  1. Nicole-I’ve got tears streaming down my face. Bless you for sharing this personal story of loss and friendship. xoxoxox

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  2. Thank you for your comment, Carol. I learned so much from her and still am. I know she will be there when I get there, because she was a true friend.

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  3. Wow. I know what it’s like to feel you need to “teach someone” what true love is. I’ve learned now that the only way to teach that is through living it, not through fear and suffering. Yet, things seem to turn out just the way they should no matter what. Your friend is where she is needed.
    I had waves of chills all the way through reading this. Very powerful post; Thank you.

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