Are you playing the game?
Back in 2010 when this blog was born, the intention was to share the journey, but from a specific angle. I wanted to share the way I experience Spirit in an honest way, that doesn’t hold me above others. I didn’t want to be ‘special.’ I wanted honest connection. I still do. I still share otherworldly experiences, not to overshadow or diminish others, nor to carve out some kind of exclusive identity. I share them because our stories are meant to be shared, as this is the way we learn from one another.
This blog is meant to be an honest account of what the spiritual development journey is really like! In my early stages of self-development, I chased down every mystic, medium and psychic I could, in the hopes of finding a kindred spirit. I would have welcomed someone at my own level to walk the path with, or a seasoned professional to learn from. It took years to stumble upon truly authentic souls. Many of whom I met on the way were guarded, and unwilling to unveil their humanness beneath the Mystical Mask. I also learned quickly that seeing through the mask and inviting them to take it off was seen as a threat, and not as I intended, which was an authentic connection. This was my real journey! The lesson is lifelong, but without my documentation of the journey, I wouldn’t be able to share these insights. Please read on!
I noticed a pattern in all group dynamics that was consistent. To use an analogy, being a newcomer to any group, was like walking into a closed circle, playing a very specific game, say a board game, or role-playing game. I’d walk in authentically as myself, only to be met with disapproval, and disgust that I wasn’t playing by the rules and wouldn’t take on an acceptable masked persona. The thing is, nobody would ever tell me the rules. They viewed my authenticity as naivity, and would use it against me as a weapon. Admitting I didn’t know how to play would invite negative comments about how ignorant I was. Pretending to play would invite the same. If I chose to sit quietly, trying to learn the rules, it wouldn’t mean I would be allowed to play when I caught on. In truth, I wasn’t part of the secret society of competition for a spot in the created hierarchy. It was a zero sum game philosophy.
After years of repeatedly enduring this dynamic wherever I went, I was beyond fatigued. When I finally stopped trying to deal with it on my own, and invited Spirit to help, The Messengers gave me an answer. I was shown what it feels like to be on the other side of it. From the human consciousness perspective, a place in the hierarchical structure felt validating and safe. It felt like protection and belonging. It was a breakthrough moment.
Their judgement of me was through the filter of the game. Sharing the rules meant sharing information that would empower me to beat them at the game, threatening all the aforementioned characteristics. The Messengers also revealed something deeper- at the core was a gaping insecurity that anyone was capable of beating them, because their strength was a mask. It really had nothing to do with me. They couldn’t actually see me for who I was. They didn’t see that I wasn’t playing the game.
As a child, the end result of these interactions was generally the same. I’d go off on my own, and perhaps find one other individual in the same boat, to do something with an equal exchange of energy. Think the Clapping Game, or sharing a snack. I never had a desire for competition, even as a child. As an adult, I still find the exact same dynamics in groups, and my response is still the same- Connection over Competition.
In human consciousness, it’s about power, prestige and position. We cannot all be equal by society’s definitions (everyone cannot be #1), and therefore competition is the norm. All souls are not the same but each is of equal value, and their differences create harmony within the whole. This means, spiritually speaking, connection is the norm. Competition and connection cannot exist in the same space in human consciousness. It is one or the other. Connection is seen by those who seek power, as giving up what is rightfully theirs to someone who is less powerful. They will never do this, no matter how hard they try to convince you. Be discerning when a powerful person expresses their desire for you to be of equal power. They are not going to share any of their power with you and they certainly do not want you to be at their level.
From the vantage point of human consciousness, people who feel powerless are the only ones who loudly proclaim they want everyone to be equal, because that means no one is more powerful than they are. In this attempt to be ‘free,’ they lose sight of what created the perceived inequality to begin with– a desire to be superior to others. That desire is not extinguished by a moment of equal powerlessness.
Those who come from the Soul’s vantage point- I speak to you now. You are reading this because you come from that place. From the Soul’s perspective, none of this is necessary, and looks like a bad joke. The Soul knows that each individual is necessary and does not need to compete. It sees the invisible web of connection throughout creation. Living life through the eyes of the Soul does not erase our human consciousness. It gives us the greater perspective. It is only when these two aspects of our consciousness work in communion that we begin to see how this world can be healed.
Confessions of a Spirit Messenger 