Confessions of a Spirit Messenger

After receiving my Massage Therapy License, I was very keen on getting my own business up and running.  As a result, Earth Spirit Massage was born.  Being from a marketing background, I got underway with designing a look and feel that I could use on my brochures and business cards.  However, in the interim, I needed a small sign for the front door of my treatment room.  So I went on down to the local sign shop and asked for something simple.  I chose a background, font, and voila, they created a sign for me.

This is what I got–

I unwrapped it and stuck it up on the front door.  It wasn’t until I stepped back and looked at it that I realized that a mistake was made- or was it?   Looking back now, I wonder if my sign was…well… a SIGN!   Needless to say the guy who sold me this sign was very embarrassed and it was replaced within a 24-hour period.  So here I was, in the midst of starting this new career after a long, frustrating year of looking for work.  I should have known, this was the first *sign* of things to come.

The stress of working in a marketing environment is something that you have to experience for yourself in order to really understand the meaning of ‘stressed out.’  For better or worse, marketing tends to be an extremely reactive business.  Having worked for advertising agencies as well as on the client side, I can tell you that no matter how proactive you try to be, there’s always this overall sensation that you’re missing something that the competition already has a jump on.  I had been thinking of transitioning into a more holistic field for quite some time, but did not have the courage to start all over again.  When I got laid off, I knew that it wasn’t an accident.  I almost expected it, because I’d been ignoring my intuition to do something else for entirely too long.  I knew that because I hadn’t voluntarily made the choice myself, the choice was made for me.  And if I had any doubt that my feelings were just my imagination, what happened next squelched that head-on.  Just before I started working in massage, I had a dream that I will never forget.  The dream wasn’t elaborate.   It was quite simple.  I was chatting with a nameless, faceless ‘friend’ of sorts who was speaking out of concern for my well-being.  He asked me about my career and what I was going to do without a marketing job.  I looked at him and said, “God has other plans for me.”

I woke up from that dream with a gasp and my jaw dropped in disbelief.

It wasn’t until early in 2009 that ‘the call’ began to become louder and louder.   I now spent most of my time working in small, dimly lit rooms with soft music playing in the background as opposed to being at a desk under fluorescent lights waiting for 5:00 to come.  It was a good feeling.  So good, that I really began to allow myself to open up and  tune into my clients.  I found myself devouring information on anatomy and buying educational DVDs so I could really help my clients who had chronic problems.  This level of concentration and focus hadn’t been present since college.  It put me in a meditative-type state.  I was so absorbed in my work that I often found myself losing track of time during my sessions.  An hour felt like 15 minutes.  The stress of leaving one career behind for another seemed to diminish, and it was during this time that I decided it was time to delve back into my spiritual side, which had been put on the back burner because there just never seemed to be enough time or energy to give it the focus it deserved.   I even decided to explore energy work, and became attuned to Reiki.  This seemed to open me up in ways I could not have anticipated, but all for the better.

One day, while I was at work something strange happened.  I had been reading Doreen Virtue’s “The Lightworker’s Way,” as my guides had told me this was a book I really needed to investigate.  I sat in my little room waiting for my next client,  who was actually one-half of a couples massage.  This particular couple were not only very good clients but jovial and caring people who I looked forward to seeing.  Right away something was off, because somehow the couples rooms were overbooked, so when they arrived, all we could offer them were separate, single rooms.  This was the first time they weren’t in a couples room. And if you think that little accidental overbooking was really accidental, then you haven’t been paying attention to any of my posts!

Now, my guides and spirit helpers had been nudging me to talk to my clients, even though I tried to explain to them that it wasn’t professional or appropriate. (Did I mention my grandmother is every bit as pushy on the Other Side as she was here?)  I mean, these people were trying to relax, right?  “Your words are like medicine for them,” was what I heard.  “It is part of the healing process.”  Okay, guys, I can see this isn’t going to go away, so just this once.  Since I  knew this client pretty well, well enough to know she was already a ‘talker’ I decided to allow it to happen- if and only if she initiated a conversation.   Besides, I’d known from previous experience that if I don’t listen to what they tell me, it happens with or without my consent anyway!

Back to my story- I found myself chatting it up with my client quite easily.  Even though she told me she may fall asleep, she is the one that initiated the conversation– a conversation that would never have taken place if we were in a couples room- that I can assure you.   The conversation ranged from her day at work, to family life, and somehow settled in the area of spirituality in general.  I swear I did not direct it in any way, however, when I open up to my guides and agree to cooperate, I often find myself saying things I wouldn’t normally say.   My client somehow began to talk about her grandmother whom she had never had the opportunity to meet.  At the time of her passing, my client was only 2 months old, and her grandmother was in China, while she was here in the United States.   She wished she had the opportunity to meet her grandmother, because her mother spoke of her as if she were an amazing person.  She smiled a melancholy smile as she remembered her mother telling her that when she was born, she sent photos to her grandmother in China, and that her grandmother had carried them with her everywhere she went.  I could feel a shift in the mood, and though it didn’t make me uncomfortable, I was very aware that something was happening.  I understood this bittersweet feeling myself at times, thinking about my own grandmother.  The emotions began to intensify, and I suddenly felt overwhelmed.  I found myself telling her that not only was her grandmother around her watching her and giving her support, but that the day she was born was the happiest day of her grandmother’s life.  I don’t know how I knew this.  I just felt it.  Then something happened that I never could have expected.  My eyes drifted to the corner of the room.   I saw what appeared to be a little cloud forming there.  My eyes widened with surprise.   I believe “Oh crap,” was my exact thought.  Even though it didn’t look like a person (just as in the case with my grandmother’s spirit) I knew it was my client’s grandmother.  I very hesitantly asked my client if her grandmother was short.  She furrowed her brow and said, she wasn’t sure but probably.   In my mind’s eye I saw, clear as day, a page from the book I was reading earlier, and there were two words that jumped off the page in my mind- ‘Grandma Pearl.’  I asked, “was her name Pearl?”  Once again, there wasn’t a confirmation, since she did not know her grandmother’s Chinese name, let alone what she may have been called in english.  Right then I jerked myself out of this floaty state I was feeling and said, “I don’t know why I said that, just forget about it.”

I left the room to get her some water and waited for her to emerge.  When she did, she had this strange look on her face.  I thought, “oh good job, Nicole, you managed to freak out one of your best customers with your crazy talk!”   I asked her if she was okay, and she said, “I just remembered something as I was getting off the table.  My mother’s nickname is ‘little Pearl.”  I immediately asked her if maybe she was called that because her grandmother was sort of like ‘big’ Pearl.  She said she didn’t know, but would call her mother and ask.  The  next two weeks following this little occurence were nerve-wracking.  I thought for sure she would tell me I was batty, but the next time I saw her I made myself ask.  Sure enough, her grandmother was called “Pearl!”  It gave me both a feeling of shock and a feeling of comfort to know that I was able to connect these two souls.  My client found comfort in knowing she wasn’t alone and I know her grandmother was grateful to be able to let her granddaughter know that she was there for her even though she was no longer here physically.  This was the first time I experienced true mediumship since I saw my grandmother’s spirit at 8 years old.  I had no idea that I had this ability until this happened, and I was stunned.

For the record, I’m well aware that it is irresponsible and unethical to just start telling people their dead relatives are hanging around with them, which is why I am always very careful to set up conditions with the spirits themselves. With the exception of one or two co-workers, no one at work knows what I do.  Other than that, it’s business as usual, and giving readings is not a routine part of a session. If a spirit shows up, I tell them they have to find a way to let me know the client is open and wants to hear from them.  In a sense, the client needs to give me permission to give them the message.  More often than not, my clients just start to talk about departed loved ones without any solicitation, and definitely not knowing about what I do.   I even had one client that told me she wished she could afford to see John Edward because closure was so desperately needed in her situation. That one just made me smile.  If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is!

Spirit knows best.  They don’t send anything your way for nothing.  Time and time again the spirits have beautifully orchestrated events that have allowed messages to come through- sometimes without my having to explicitly say ‘this is from your son, daughter, etc,’ yet still getting the message they needed to hear across with absolute clarity.  Clients that continue to see me for many sessions in a row tend to open up to me, and tell me things like, “I have no idea why I’m telling you this but…” These are typically the ones that are sent to me for a reason.  As I said, this isn’t the ideal situation for giving a reading, and God knows it’s not a reading in the traditional sense, but for some reason, this is how Spirit has decided to get me going in the direction of mediumship in addition to healing.  It’s something, I tell ya!

Following this incident, there were many other instances where I’d be in a massage session, and suddenly I got the feeling my client and I weren’t alone, only to look up and confirm it.  In some instances, no messages were given, because ‘consent’ by the client didn’t come.  But seeing these spirits had another purpose.  I noticed over time that the way I was “seeing” changed a bit.  I began to see actual figures of people, complete with attire.   If you’ve ever seen the movie “Daredevil”  you may remember that Ben Affleck’s character is blind, but during two scenes, he is able to actually see Jennifer Garner’s character, Elektra.  Once in the scene at the gala, and the other while they are standing in the rain.  The way he sees her, is almost exactly the way I see spirits.  They are usually in an indigo-ish hue, and it’s as if a light shines on them only briefly so I am able to see that they are there.  From there, I get information in the form of feelings and thoughts, as well as mental pictures.  It’s a process I’m still not used to, and just when I think I have it down, it changes and I have to be on top of my game to keep up with the communication.

I believe the conditions that are present during a massage are very conducive to spirit communication.  It is a calm environment without distractions or noise, and as I work on the person, I become attuned to their energy.  Imagine trying to hear the sound of a pin dropping in a room filled with loud music, and  lots of conversations happening simultaneously.   You wouldn’t know that a pin was even in the room, let alone hear it drop, right?  Being in a marketing environment is like being in that noisy room.  Being in a massage treatment room is the complete opposite.  The absence of  distractions and noise creates the perfect environment for someone like me to be able to not only tolerate my sensitivity, but to allow it to really flourish.  For sensitive people, everything is magnified.  So while a person who isn’t highly sensitive may not even register many of the everyday sounds happening around them, a sensitive person will pick up on those sounds plus hear them 10x louder.   Personally, I have always been that way.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been called ‘the sensitive one’ in more than one context.  I thought it was bad and hid it away for years and years before finally reaching the realization that what makes a person special isn’t all of the things about them that are the same as everyone else, but the things that make them different that really make them stand out.

I’ve found that I can turn my psychic volume knob up loud enough to tune into all of these wonderful psychic things when I’m in a quiet place, but doing so in an ordinary environment turns up everything else as well, making it too overwhelming.    I know that time and practice will change this, and I will eventually be able to stand up in front of a crowd and focus solely on the messages I’m receiving.  But for now, this is how I work best.

If you ever feel nudged to read something, listen to a song or even to call someone- follow those instincts.  Don’t blow it off as imagination or something airy-fairy.  Most often there is a message or piece of information that you are meant to recieve at that point in time, as with my timely reading of “The Lightworker’s Way,” which enabled the spirits to pull up just the right bit of information in my mind at the right time, so I would recognize it right away.

So if you ever decide to get a therapeutic or relaxing massage from me, you may just get a bit of “message therapy” along with it.  🙂

Posted in My story
Tags: clairsentience, clairvoyance, massage therapy, message therapy, psychic, psychic medium, seeing spirits, spirit guides, spiritual journey